The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part 🎶🎶
Little Tom Petty singing today …
Have you ever just waited for something you wanted to happen then to find your self filled with disappointment when it didn’t?
Have you ever waited for someone to make the right choice ? To choose you …
What about waiting for a reconciliation to a relationship that just isn’t going to heal or the relationship will never come to a place of unity?
What about waiting for a door to open for you and you stand before it and your so close your not sure if it’s opened or closed?
I have played all of these waiting games in my 46 years of my life. Now in my life I am realizing that I am stuck in the waiting. Let me explain this, the best I can.
My whole life I have been rather impulsive and it worked very well for me because I was not really good at waiting for someone else to do what I could do myself. If I needed something done in my life for most of my adult life I just did it, early in life I learned that I could not wait on others.
My marriage of 18 years for example I was a wife and mother who just saw what she needed to do and did it without thinking. Move a piece of furniture, change the oil in the car, redecorate, relocate, buy a new car alone, close on a house with out my spouse and make any major decision I could do it with confidence because I did not need to wait.
If I wanted a friendship, I did not wait for them to come to me, I went after them. If I felt the Lord calling me to do something, go somewhere, give away something, speak, write, minister or follow a path he was leading me down I did not wait I just did it. If I needed to forgive someone I went to them and made amends fast because forgiveness was important to me.
That was until I was about 37 or 38 years old and then I stopped being impulsive and stopped doing and began waiting, losing hope, procrastination and depression entered my life and I stopped everything.
I wanted the old Doris to come back but slowly she left.. Slowly she was gone and the new Doris showed up…
I waited on a my marriage to heal for a very long time and it didn’t, I waited for the church to accept me and get my unique calling and they didn’t so I stopped waiting and gave up and lost Hope.I let my disappointment keep me from God and I stopped waiting on Him. So then I took the waiting into my own hands and changed not only my life and the lives of my children, my ex husband, myself and my friends and family because I stopped waiting.
Let me be clear- do not regret where I am right at this minute! God turned it all around and has used things in my life for Good!
The point of this is waiting story is …. To tell you that now I am 100 percent not impulsive, will not go for reconsiliation, go after friendships like I once did and my waiting is now a stronghold because I don’t trust myself like I once did. I wait and procrastinate worse than you can imagine.
My fear of failing in who I was has taken over and became a stronghold and now where I feel called I don’t move because I am waiting for God to move and open the door for me. I am now asking God to do what I once would do for myself and not have fear and I am stuck in my waiting and procrastination. It’s like a crazy prison of sorts.
There is balance between who I once was and who I have turned into at 46 years old.
Fear of moving to fast, doing something on my own strength is now a stronghold in my life. It has turned me into a brave coward!!! That makes no sense but it does! I want to hang out with others but can’t, I want to go do but I am stuck, I want to be me but I am scared, I am stuck in waiting. It’s a lonely place to just be alone all the time. I am only hurting myself and living in fear and did not realize it until today. As I write these posts I realize what’s going on!
I have allowed Fear to take over and truly keep me from flying and being who God has called me to be. I have trained this year, met with two publishers and met great people, have a vision for what I am to do but instead of doing it … I wait, I procrastinate, I wait, I stand in front of an open door and wait…
What are you waiting on? What have you lost Hope in ?
How can you wait for God to do and what do you need to do for yourself?
I pray this morning that we will seek God with our whole being and wait when we need to wait and walk through an open door when it opens. First we must pray and put our Hope in the Lord and His Word.
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5
Doris Lynn Humplik – hopenotwasted