I woke up this morning with Paul and watched yesterday’s Dr. Phil like I do every morning and fell asleep only to wake with the riots on the screen. Honestly I do not watch any news, and not much tv at all. Facebook seems to be my newsfeed. 

I watched the riots and begin to think of a Talk I have given back years ago to a group of women and then a shorter version  later to hundreds in Africa & a few years later in India to a group of pastors & church members at a conference! 

It was on “Changing the World” I always thought it was a the best thing I had ever written because it was guided by The Lord. 

My quote was this one by Norman Vincent Peale- ” Change your thoughts and you Change your World”

When I wrote this talk I was a stay at home mom who wanted to Change the World! 

I began in my home by creating a home different than I was raised! 

I overdid it a bit but none the less I change the world for my children! 

I was protecting my kids from what I was not protected from. 

I did not drink, cuss and watch things that were over PG… I tried to live what I was teaching them! 

I set the bar high! 

I reached out to people As I went through life. 

I joked my ministry would be As you go ministries … As you go to work, school, PTA, church or the grocery store you touch the lives of others. 

I lived that way for a long time and people in church made little comments about how crazy it was that I picked strangers off the side of the road put them (women & children) in my mini-van and volunteered to take them to school to keep them from walking in the crazy Texas weather. I was all about people and compassion.

I volunteered for what others would not do. I wanted to give back and make a difference! 

I was criticized and judged for leaving two children and a husband to go to third world countries and touch maybe one person. I invited strangers to my house I never met for thanksgiving from Mississippi that I met online because they needed a home to eat in! 

One person at a time! 

The person was me that changed and in time the change became bitterness towards those in my church. I felt misunderstood and often judged because of how I did things. 

I changed and stopped doing anything with church and my world changed. 

I learned to not trust and be open. 

Only when I gave r

to people  did I feel accepted. 

So I stopped… 

The change began with me… My world changed.. 

I have always been a girl who can fit anywhere and in any group. 

I have never had connections that were so deep they could not be lost. 

I never felt I was important to anyone … My own struggle from birth… 

I went through a divorce after years of trying to fix the marriage by fixing me- counseling for 10 plus years feeling like if I just changed every part of my self that was not right that one day someone would truly love and accept me! 

I held a shield up and knocked love back if it came near because as bad as I wanted it I was scared of it. 

No mother had loved me so if she rejects you then truly no one can truly love you for you ! That’s what I learned … Oh I forgave her and understand why she couldn’t love me. 

I never much liked myself for 43 years at least … Once I was broken and laying in a bed for a year isolated in a small town only being loved by God & through Paul did I finally see that I am loved. I posted on Facebook and often removed the painful posts and I unfriended hundreds who I was connected to and I healed… 

Change truly begins first in us. 

I still battle many things – like stepping out in what makes my heart happy because I feel like if I truly showed just how much I know or how confidant I really am in what I know that I will repel folks! 

The truth is I dumb down what I know and play a little weak girl when the truth is I am strong, independent and if tomorrow I lose all that I have … I will make it! Because I have a relationship with God and He loves me. I have reaped many things in my life … Bad decisions I have made left me reaping things. 

The good news is that redemption comes when you let God have the rest of your life. 

So how did this go from riots to me being real? That I

Am not really sure about but when I just write from the heart, I am as surprised as anyone what’s in there. 

She’s going to seek peace in a world that is filled with anger, hate, prejudice and discord. 

She’s gonna love people how they are, whatever they believe and just be who she is! 

She will live her truth and be a faithful wife and homemaker and not worry when people don’t understand why she is not at work. 

She has a full time job! Loving my husband and being the best Doris she can be! 

She’s reaping what she’s sown and living a life she always dreamed she would! 

Peace begins with me and she’s keeping the tv off! 

How are you finding peace? 

Are you being the person that you truly want to be? 

It’s never to late to begin again! 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on 

 

 you, live at peace with everyone. 

Romans 12:18 

If I have been asked one time I have been ask a kazillion times what do you do? Where do you work? What’s your educational background? Oh the feelings of inadequacy that fill my body! 

The pressure to have a title! I am ________! 

Even just this week as I was buying art supplies the cashier said what are you doing? Trying to explain I just said I am an artist!

 In my head I thought I wish…. I am really a homemaker,decorator,  writer, former criminal justice major, victim volunteer, speaker, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, prayer warrior,gypsy, wild child, wanderer, former PTA Vice President, former missionary, Former speaker, former, this former that….

I am a survivor, overcomer and big time brave girl with huge dreams ! 

What pressure to have to have it all figured out! I am many things and as a creative type girl and a whole lotta ADD mixed with OCD I take along time to do everything. 

Who am I ? That’s a great question and I refuse to give myself a title ! 

I am me! That will just have to be good enough! I am living a life that has peace beyond what I could imagine, I am loved by a man sent to me from God, I carry around a hope that is not wasted and I am figuring it out as I go. I wear my heart on both of my sleeves, I have big dreams, I am fearful to follow them and I am very scared of rejection! 

I have a big heart and never share advice unless asked but because of my personality the fact that  world feels free to give me theirs as if I need instructions on things… often I want to scream “ I am smart Ya know! I wear a layer of defensiveness that was placed upon me at birth and I hate wearing! 

 I have walked many miles in this earth and traveled the world and if given the time and a ear I would tell you of the great things God has brought me through! I have lived a life few could understand and most don’t take the time to listen…. 

Who am I and what do I do? 

This week I am first a child of no one but God, the wife of the worlds greatest man, a mother to three beautiful children, I gained 3 more children when I married Paul. I only see and have relationship with one of those  children &  I have 5 grandchildren who I never see! 

I am a writer, artist, gypsy soul and I love to spend time alone with myself and God! I am a good honest person who finds Hope and beauty in a world filled with anger, despair and at times darkness. I am forgiven, I am a sinner and in God’s eyes I am perfect ! 

Today I will put my artist hat on and create with my creator ! 

Who are you? Maybe today put  your writer hat on and think about who you are ! 

Most days I battle the thoughts of where I fall short but then God reminds me just truly how unique He created me to be and I just accept it and live my life !!!! 

Dear world I am pretty cool … Just ask me…. Hit send Doris hit send ! Don’t edit just post it !  

 

 

 How about a little story? 

So we moved into this little piece of Heaven on earth a month ago. 

To many people it’s just a trailer on someone else’s dream farm but to us it’s home. Wherever Paul and I are it’s home because we are modern day nomads. 

We move to where ever a job takes us. 

We are not poor gypsies going from town to town trying to see what we can take but we try to see what we can give and in return we gain more humility than you can imagine, only because we know where we came from and we know where we are going and this earth is not our final destination. 

We are Wanderers but we are not lost because we place our faith in God because He’s the greatest GPS and we fully trust Him! 

Many have asked over our 4 years together why we don’t get a real job, why don’t we buy a house and I just stay and Paul go work and come home. 

Why do you have two storage units and keep buying more? 

Why this and why that! Paul’s career is an amazing story to me and yesterday we were talking about folks who does not believe in God and Paul said you know “I always thought I made my own way and in my career; that I went from a high school diploma to where I am because of my own hard work and abilities but the last 4 years I realize it’s God’s Grace and favor that has lead me to this place and this new company and job! The truth is it’s not me at all”.  God’s divine plan for our life has brought us to Iowa, La . 

I myself have gifting’s  that are unique and I am amazed when I write something, create something, try something or follow a little dream. 

I was painting this morning and I was thinking about what to call this new venture, what my mission/vision/ plan is? I thought I might ask others then God began to speak to my heart and say ” Doris Lynn I will reveal and it will unfold just as I have planned and just do what your doing”.

I feel grateful to be able to hear and know God’s voice speaking to my heart. 

Yesterday another voice came on like a flood… The speaker of condemnation, guilt and shame came visiting me. I was over tired, frustrated with myself and the liar came a calling and I picked up the phone and my morning was filled with let’s just say crying and words about me, to me out loud and for Paul to hear. 

I have not had that happen in well over a year. All I can say is get the behind me satan … You are a liar! 

I have a few things to write and share that are awesome things straight from God and I am ready to get on with whatever this next is … 

This morning I am working on my little Art Studio… 🎨🎨

Creating with God in that little room will be a blessing but right now I sit on my back porch swing listening to the birds chirp, the peacock hollar, and the rain hit the tim roof of the patio. 

Paradise to me the girl who never stopped to really smell a rose or enjoy the sounds around me that God created… 

Have a great day and I am praying that God will speak to your heart this morning like he has to me! 

Long ago I hoped I would live like this and my Hope was not Wasted! 

#hopenotwasted

#birdstheword

#itscloudyoutsidebutnotinmyheart

#Godishope

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