Blogging again ….
2016 is over and it’s been 11 months since I blogged, and honestly that was a gift to my readers. Last year was simply heart- breaking in so many ways and the thought of blogging or writing it out without a little healing would have been more painful.
So maybe time is now…
So maybe the feelings can be written…
Maybe I can let the real feelings be said …
She cries everyday…
She has grief …
She has hurt…
She was betrayed …
She was humiliated…
She was ignored…
She was treated poorly…
She protected the one who hurt her…
She always does…
She is still angry…
She wants her old life back…
She will move on …
She is trying very hard to get back up…
She’s a Riser…
She’s you… She’s me… She’s not alone …
She is Brave…
SHE IS GOOD…
She did nothing Wrong !
She is filled with Hope for the future…
She is going to follow her dreams …
She will Heal…
To be continued ….
Sometimes I just get excited when out of the blue things start unfolding and there is no possible way to explain the coincidence of things.
Sunday I got out a plastic container full of writings and binders and have them at the edge of my bed. I was sorting through some yesterday.
Flash forward to this morning feeling restless and after getting my bible out, a journal and pen; I knew that it was time to get to, what I need to get to and that’s time with God.
Sometimes I think without realizing it I wander off, maybe we all wander from time to time but I think just like a parent would call a child, God calls our name.
That’s when we turn around and see that there’s a little distance between us and that’s when we have a choice.
We can keep walking or we can turn around and walk back to Him and it will be like we never wandered at all.
This morning I turned around and walked back because I wandered to far away.
That’s my story this morning, now back to the coincidence.
I get out my bible and journal was lead to the Habakkuk 2:1-2
Stand my watch and listen for what he will say to me and write it down! Pretty simple but I have to stop wandering and listen!
So then here’s the thing that always amazes me about things with God and Me.
Supernaturally he lines up things for this simple girl.
That plastic container at the end of my bed holds years of writers conference notes, awards, commitments, plans and dreams.
I grabbed a plastic sleeve with two papers together and realized that they were all signed in February! I must tell you that I am slower than most and it seems my new year begins in the second month of the year!
The dates and years are long ago and in fact they were signed with a different last name but the same person; someone who wants to please God and who wants to be committed to the purpose he has for her.
As I sit here writing this I feel Gods presence and the loving way He says ” I am here”.
Wandering off is normal but it’s the decision you make after you realize that you wondered.
Do you continue forward on your own way or do you stop, turn around and get back on the path God has planned and let him guide you?
For me I can’t go on my own wandering way, because I get lost and since I am ADD I will end up
In a faraway land and it will not be a good thing and I make a mess of my life.
So I turn around and get back on the path with humility and repentance because I am wanderer and it seems I got off the path He has for me. I wish I could say that I have it all together but that’s never gonna happen because then I would think I could make my own way and I know without a doubt with out Christ I can do nothing.
Not all who Wander are Lost if they don’t Wander to far off from our creator!
I am getting back to what I was meant to do …
Tell stories and share them with you …
Have you wandered off without realizing it like I did?
Have you felt a distance from Him and wondered who walked away?
Are you restless and needing direction like me?
Turn around He’s right where you left him waiting for you to come back. I am getting my converse on and heading back now, join me won’t you.
He is crazy in love with us and can’t wait to set up back on the right path and that gives me Hope that no matter where I roam that He is still standing and waiting for me to come back home and he’s waiting for you too.
Let’s go ….
It’s been a long time since I updated…
It’s time to share my Hope …
Hope is more than a wish…
Hope is more than a possibility…
Hope was planted into my heart in 2007 and has continued to grow and bloomed into a eclectic Hope bouquet.
I was struggling for a couple of years with a depression that would overtake my life and ultimately leave me in a pit of despair that I could not pull out of.
Therapy & medication could not touch the darkness I saw and the numb feeling. My children in high-school and a marriage that was falling apart, and I was hopeless and felt lost and very alone. Every night I would sit on my couch or mostly lie in my bed, surrounded by 3 chihuahuas because they were all I felt cared about me anymore.
When depression and despair partner up and push you down into a pit that no one can help you out of… You want out and wish someone would throw the ladder down to you, because when you try to climb out but there is no steps up, when despair hits there’s no way up without Hope!
That began my journey of Losing and finding Hope…
2005-2010 were the years I spent in the pit of despair and not until the Hope-giver threw me a ladder to climb up out of my pit and allow Him to begin to direct my path and hand me my own personal weapon to fight my way out of the darkness.
He gave me the Weapon of Hope💗.
Hope was what kept me alive…
I lost it all and ended up alone, no money, no place to stay, no money, but the Hope-Giver made a way for me and provided for my needs, not my wants and during 2010-2011 I learned how real Hope is and that it’s never wasted.
Hope Not Wasted is my story and it’s time to share it…
She has Hope and it’s not wasted…
Hope is the anchor for my Soul… Hebrews 6:19 ⚓️
Doris Lynn Humplik
“You know we just don’t recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they’re happening. Back then I thought, well, there’ll be other days. I didn’t realize that that was the only day.” -Moonlight Graham
Hope the 1976 Airstream & the man who is rebuilding it!
“If you build it he will come”
A farmer in Iowa heard those words, it was a movie with Kevin Costner from 1989 ” Field of Dreams”
The story is Ray is a novice farmer and with a broken relationship
with his father and a voice that is speaking to him about following a dream …Anyway this is not a movie review but as I think about the movie and story line and this little baby sitting in a field of dreams that belong to our friends who we rent our place from I think of this movie.
I am reminded of this crazy dream that Ray the character had and a voice that said “build it”
Now let’s talk about the guy who lives in Iowa, Louisiana…
So the voice that Paul hears says let’s rebuild it !
It’s truly a task that is bigger than I can even grasp in my mind!
I am gonna just be honest a minute, the movie and situation with Ray the character and Paul my husband are not that far apart. Both men have relationships with a father!
I won’t go into all the details of Paul’s but I heard him on the phone with his dad and the response to the airstream was not oh son you can do this or oh son I am proud of you.
The response left him saying to me ” you have given me more atta boys in almost 4 years together than anyone has in my whole life”
I know my husband wants to have that time with his dad and he calls and sometimes does not get a response.
So I am thinking of this movie and Hope our Airstream and what comes to mind is restoring this airstream is we will not restore it back to it’s original state. All the old things are pulled out and tossed. All the broken pieces are gone and it will be put back together in a new way.
It will be just as we see fit. It will be completed and the dream of restoring the past will not happen in this Airstream!
We will not live in the past and try to go back!
We will build it and he will not come lost chances may not happen and finishing this will not rectify the past wrongs.
It will be a the shell of a 1976 Airstream but the inside will be full of peace, fresh life, new vision and many years of joy to us or who ever ends up with her!
Sometimes we don’t see the reason things are placed in our path. This is a personal gift to Paul I feel and watching him dream, plan, budget and schedule the work simply makes me happy.
Paul may never hear the words he wants to hear from his father, he may never have the relationship he has craved in this life but he does have a Heavenly Father who loves him like crazy and a wife who thinks he hung the moon!
He truly is a blessed man and I believe in him!
What in your life are you wanting to restore?
What old things need to be ripped out and thrown away?
What dreams do you have that seem big and impossible ?
Get to dreaming …
Get to ripping out…
This morning I am thinking about so many of you who are in the middle of a storm. Maybe the storms that are ripping through Texas or maybe the storms that have ripped through your life. I know well about being in storms and running for your life and then returning to find that what was once something that you treasured was washed away by a storm!
What ever trouble your faced with today, no matter what storm your in or what distress your feeling… He will calm the storm, he will still the waves and he will quiet the thunder. Sometimes the storms seem to come one right after another, it seems that the rain is more than you can take and that you will just float away if they don’t stop!
But God…. But God will quiet them!
He will bring you to a haven where you will be at rest and there will be quiet and then you will know that all through the storm He was there, He was present and He was in Control…
He will help you rebuild what was washed away…
He will restore to you what was lost…
He loves you …
Storms in life come but if we grab ahold of our Anchor of Hope and trust Him we can ride out the storms that come and our Hope in Christ alone will not be Wasted…
Hope is never wasted ….
Hope will carry through the darkest parts of life’s storms …
Then they cry out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
I woke up this morning with Paul and watched yesterday’s Dr. Phil like I do every morning and fell asleep only to wake with the riots on the screen. Honestly I do not watch any news, and not much tv at all. Facebook seems to be my newsfeed.
I watched the riots and begin to think of a Talk I have given back years ago to a group of women and then a shorter version later to hundreds in Africa & a few years later in India to a group of pastors & church members at a conference!
It was on “Changing the World” I always thought it was a the best thing I had ever written because it was guided by The Lord.
My quote was this one by Norman Vincent Peale- ” Change your thoughts and you Change your World”
When I wrote this talk I was a stay at home mom who wanted to Change the World!
I began in my home by creating a home different than I was raised!
I overdid it a bit but none the less I change the world for my children!
I was protecting my kids from what I was not protected from.
I did not drink, cuss and watch things that were over PG… I tried to live what I was teaching them!
I set the bar high!
I reached out to people As I went through life.
I joked my ministry would be As you go ministries … As you go to work, school, PTA, church or the grocery store you touch the lives of others.
I lived that way for a long time and people in church made little comments about how crazy it was that I picked strangers off the side of the road put them (women & children) in my mini-van and volunteered to take them to school to keep them from walking in the crazy Texas weather. I was all about people and compassion.
I volunteered for what others would not do. I wanted to give back and make a difference!
I was criticized and judged for leaving two children and a husband to go to third world countries and touch maybe one person. I invited strangers to my house I never met for thanksgiving from Mississippi that I met online because they needed a home to eat in!
One person at a time!
The person was me that changed and in time the change became bitterness towards those in my church. I felt misunderstood and often judged because of how I did things.
I changed and stopped doing anything with church and my world changed.
I learned to not trust and be open.
Only when I gave r
to people did I feel accepted.
So I stopped…
The change began with me… My world changed..
I have always been a girl who can fit anywhere and in any group.
I have never had connections that were so deep they could not be lost.
I never felt I was important to anyone … My own struggle from birth…
I went through a divorce after years of trying to fix the marriage by fixing me- counseling for 10 plus years feeling like if I just changed every part of my self that was not right that one day someone would truly love and accept me!
I held a shield up and knocked love back if it came near because as bad as I wanted it I was scared of it.
No mother had loved me so if she rejects you then truly no one can truly love you for you ! That’s what I learned … Oh I forgave her and understand why she couldn’t love me.
I never much liked myself for 43 years at least … Once I was broken and laying in a bed for a year isolated in a small town only being loved by God & through Paul did I finally see that I am loved. I posted on Facebook and often removed the painful posts and I unfriended hundreds who I was connected to and I healed…
Change truly begins first in us.
I still battle many things – like stepping out in what makes my heart happy because I feel like if I truly showed just how much I know or how confidant I really am in what I know that I will repel folks!
The truth is I dumb down what I know and play a little weak girl when the truth is I am strong, independent and if tomorrow I lose all that I have … I will make it! Because I have a relationship with God and He loves me. I have reaped many things in my life … Bad decisions I have made left me reaping things.
The good news is that redemption comes when you let God have the rest of your life.
So how did this go from riots to me being real? That I
Am not really sure about but when I just write from the heart, I am as surprised as anyone what’s in there.
She’s going to seek peace in a world that is filled with anger, hate, prejudice and discord.
She’s gonna love people how they are, whatever they believe and just be who she is!
She will live her truth and be a faithful wife and homemaker and not worry when people don’t understand why she is not at work.
She has a full time job! Loving my husband and being the best Doris she can be!
She’s reaping what she’s sown and living a life she always dreamed she would!
Peace begins with me and she’s keeping the tv off!
How are you finding peace?
Are you being the person that you truly want to be?
It’s never to late to begin again!
If it is possible, as far as it depends on
you, live at peace with everyone.
If I have been asked one time I have been ask a kazillion times what do you do? Where do you work? What’s your educational background? Oh the feelings of inadequacy that fill my body!
The pressure to have a title! I am ________!
Even just this week as I was buying art supplies the cashier said what are you doing? Trying to explain I just said I am an artist!
In my head I thought I wish…. I am really a homemaker,decorator, writer, former criminal justice major, victim volunteer, speaker, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, prayer warrior,gypsy, wild child, wanderer, former PTA Vice President, former missionary, Former speaker, former, this former that….
I am a survivor, overcomer and big time brave girl with huge dreams !
What pressure to have to have it all figured out! I am many things and as a creative type girl and a whole lotta ADD mixed with OCD I take along time to do everything.
Who am I ? That’s a great question and I refuse to give myself a title !
I am me! That will just have to be good enough! I am living a life that has peace beyond what I could imagine, I am loved by a man sent to me from God, I carry around a hope that is not wasted and I am figuring it out as I go. I wear my heart on both of my sleeves, I have big dreams, I am fearful to follow them and I am very scared of rejection!
I have a big heart and never share advice unless asked but because of my personality the fact that world feels free to give me theirs as if I need instructions on things… often I want to scream “ I am smart Ya know! I wear a layer of defensiveness that was placed upon me at birth and I hate wearing!
I have walked many miles in this earth and traveled the world and if given the time and a ear I would tell you of the great things God has brought me through! I have lived a life few could understand and most don’t take the time to listen….
Who am I and what do I do?
This week I am first a child of no one but God, the wife of the worlds greatest man, a mother to three beautiful children, I gained 3 more children when I married Paul. I only see and have relationship with one of those children & I have 5 grandchildren who I never see!
I am a writer, artist, gypsy soul and I love to spend time alone with myself and God! I am a good honest person who finds Hope and beauty in a world filled with anger, despair and at times darkness. I am forgiven, I am a sinner and in God’s eyes I am perfect !
Today I will put my artist hat on and create with my creator !
Who are you? Maybe today put your writer hat on and think about who you are !
Most days I battle the thoughts of where I fall short but then God reminds me just truly how unique He created me to be and I just accept it and live my life !!!!
Dear world I am pretty cool … Just ask me…. Hit send Doris hit send ! Don’t edit just post it !
How about a little story?
So we moved into this little piece of Heaven on earth a month ago.
To many people it’s just a trailer on someone else’s dream farm but to us it’s home. Wherever Paul and I are it’s home because we are modern day nomads.
We move to where ever a job takes us.
We are not poor gypsies going from town to town trying to see what we can take but we try to see what we can give and in return we gain more humility than you can imagine, only because we know where we came from and we know where we are going and this earth is not our final destination.
We are Wanderers but we are not lost because we place our faith in God because He’s the greatest GPS and we fully trust Him!
Many have asked over our 4 years together why we don’t get a real job, why don’t we buy a house and I just stay and Paul go work and come home.
Why do you have two storage units and keep buying more?
Why this and why that! Paul’s career is an amazing story to me and yesterday we were talking about folks who does not believe in God and Paul said you know “I always thought I made my own way and in my career; that I went from a high school diploma to where I am because of my own hard work and abilities but the last 4 years I realize it’s God’s Grace and favor that has lead me to this place and this new company and job! The truth is it’s not me at all”. God’s divine plan for our life has brought us to Iowa, La .
I myself have gifting’s that are unique and I am amazed when I write something, create something, try something or follow a little dream.
I was painting this morning and I was thinking about what to call this new venture, what my mission/vision/ plan is? I thought I might ask others then God began to speak to my heart and say ” Doris Lynn I will reveal and it will unfold just as I have planned and just do what your doing”.
I feel grateful to be able to hear and know God’s voice speaking to my heart.
Yesterday another voice came on like a flood… The speaker of condemnation, guilt and shame came visiting me. I was over tired, frustrated with myself and the liar came a calling and I picked up the phone and my morning was filled with let’s just say crying and words about me, to me out loud and for Paul to hear.
I have not had that happen in well over a year. All I can say is get the behind me satan … You are a liar!
I have a few things to write and share that are awesome things straight from God and I am ready to get on with whatever this next is …
This morning I am working on my little Art Studio… 🎨🎨
Creating with God in that little room will be a blessing but right now I sit on my back porch swing listening to the birds chirp, the peacock hollar, and the rain hit the tim roof of the patio.
Paradise to me the girl who never stopped to really smell a rose or enjoy the sounds around me that God created…
Have a great day and I am praying that God will speak to your heart this morning like he has to me!
Long ago I hoped I would live like this and my Hope was not Wasted!
She wonders why women don’t take a stand, make a point to stand up for each other more? Why is it ok to go watch a movie that is filled with abuse. Oh come on Doris are you serious it’s no different than watching what’s on tv. In the ends they get married and have two children.
Oh I see !!! If it was your 18 year old daughter who was being groomed and basically raped, controlled and hurt emotionally – oh but it’s sexy and this is Love ! Oh I see Love!! Love !!!
What’s Love got to do with 50 shades of Grey?
It was 5 years ago that I was in a similar marriage and daily mentally tortured by my husband – only married 11months when I escaped.
I paid a huge price and just talking about him and it gives me anxiety!
I am about to relocate within miles of him tomorrow.
That’s all good – side story.
One day I got a very brave email from a very close and true friend that said I can’t accept your calls anymore because your staying and you will not leave, I can’t listen to you cry one more day.
The truth in her words woke me up
& it was then that I made a plan and made a way out.
Many knew what I lived in, many said wake up and yet his control held me in fear, he tortured me and enjoyed it!
It’s been a battle to get back the Doris I used to be!
Now many of you are going to pay money to get turned on to something that was my life and erotic it was not.
Talk to a victim of domestic violence, rape or sexual abuse and ask them about pretending they are all right and the lies they tell them selves! He Loves me! It’s control… It’s so many things.
My friends watched it for free and grieved at what I was living in!
This is not to condemn or judge you but to glamorize abuse and call it a movie makes me sick and that women are getting turned on by it, call it love and pay money to go see a great love story on Valentines day. Ask my very close Friend Debbie that’s raising her grandchildren after their mother was killed two years ago by her Christian Grey, ask her if Hollies love story ended with Love or if she’s being visited in a place that her broken body is resting.
Everyday this love story is on the evening news- sexual abuse, rape, sex trafficking and domestic violence and I can’t even watch it because I suffer from PTSD and one word of this gives me anxiety and triggers my fears.
I’ve heard if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.
What if we just thought about the bigger picture instead of wasting 2 hours getting turned on by a hidden lie that abuse is love and it’s romance.
I live romance now and it’s sexy, it’s the first time in my life I have felt safe in my entire life! I grew up in this very same life as a child same environment.
Well Doris that’s you !
Yes it is me but what if one day something happens to you that’s tragic and I make light of it?
What if I justify it by saying hey you know what, regardless of my beliefs, desire or opinion I think I will redirect my view a bit and look at a bigger picture not the desire to see man get turned on my humiliating a woman.
I was so humiliated in my life from sexual abuse as early as 3-4 years old and raped on the ground behind a skating rink and attacked by more than one person I was married to in anger that I clearly see the whole picture with open eyes… Doris you did not read the book!
Oh I tried first 6-7 chapters in 2012 to see what my married Christian friends were raving about on Facebook !
I cried the whole time reading it to Paul at night after making it through a chapter! I tore that book up and said nope I lived this I don’t need to read it…
Listen girls I love you and to not share this would just be very wrong…
If you want a real love story I am living it right now and it’s a page turner for me and Paul’s support has healed me but I still struggle with issues from
A life that few survive and he is patient and kind ….
Wipes the tears away and helps me feel safe for the first time …
Read my book “1 Shade of White”
It’s written daily on Facebook …
If you chose to go see it your free to and I still love you but please don’t stop loving me for sharing my story.
Doris Lynn Humplik