Who are you today ? 

Standard

If I have been asked one time I have been ask a kazillion times what do you do? Where do you work? What’s your educational background? Oh the feelings of inadequacy that fill my body! 

The pressure to have a title! I am ________! 

Even just this week as I was buying art supplies the cashier said what are you doing? Trying to explain I just said I am an artist!

 In my head I thought I wish…. I am really a homemaker,decorator,  writer, former criminal justice major, victim volunteer, speaker, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, prayer warrior,gypsy, wild child, wanderer, former PTA Vice President, former missionary, Former speaker, former, this former that….

I am a survivor, overcomer and big time brave girl with huge dreams ! 

What pressure to have to have it all figured out! I am many things and as a creative type girl and a whole lotta ADD mixed with OCD I take along time to do everything. 

Who am I ? That’s a great question and I refuse to give myself a title ! 

I am me! That will just have to be good enough! I am living a life that has peace beyond what I could imagine, I am loved by a man sent to me from God, I carry around a hope that is not wasted and I am figuring it out as I go. I wear my heart on both of my sleeves, I have big dreams, I am fearful to follow them and I am very scared of rejection! 

I have a big heart and never share advice unless asked but because of my personality the fact that  world feels free to give me theirs as if I need instructions on things… often I want to scream “ I am smart Ya know! I wear a layer of defensiveness that was placed upon me at birth and I hate wearing! 

 I have walked many miles in this earth and traveled the world and if given the time and a ear I would tell you of the great things God has brought me through! I have lived a life few could understand and most don’t take the time to listen…. 

Who am I and what do I do? 

This week I am first a child of no one but God, the wife of the worlds greatest man, a mother to three beautiful children, I gained 3 more children when I married Paul. I only see and have relationship with one of those  children &  I have 5 grandchildren who I never see! 

I am a writer, artist, gypsy soul and I love to spend time alone with myself and God! I am a good honest person who finds Hope and beauty in a world filled with anger, despair and at times darkness. I am forgiven, I am a sinner and in God’s eyes I am perfect ! 

Today I will put my artist hat on and create with my creator ! 

Who are you? Maybe today put  your writer hat on and think about who you are ! 

Most days I battle the thoughts of where I fall short but then God reminds me just truly how unique He created me to be and I just accept it and live my life !!!! 

Dear world I am pretty cool … Just ask me…. Hit send Doris hit send ! Don’t edit just post it !  

 

Advertisements

A little Story 

Standard

 

 How about a little story? 

So we moved into this little piece of Heaven on earth a month ago. 

To many people it’s just a trailer on someone else’s dream farm but to us it’s home. Wherever Paul and I are it’s home because we are modern day nomads. 

We move to where ever a job takes us. 

We are not poor gypsies going from town to town trying to see what we can take but we try to see what we can give and in return we gain more humility than you can imagine, only because we know where we came from and we know where we are going and this earth is not our final destination. 

We are Wanderers but we are not lost because we place our faith in God because He’s the greatest GPS and we fully trust Him! 

Many have asked over our 4 years together why we don’t get a real job, why don’t we buy a house and I just stay and Paul go work and come home. 

Why do you have two storage units and keep buying more? 

Why this and why that! Paul’s career is an amazing story to me and yesterday we were talking about folks who does not believe in God and Paul said you know “I always thought I made my own way and in my career; that I went from a high school diploma to where I am because of my own hard work and abilities but the last 4 years I realize it’s God’s Grace and favor that has lead me to this place and this new company and job! The truth is it’s not me at all”.  God’s divine plan for our life has brought us to Iowa, La . 

I myself have gifting’s  that are unique and I am amazed when I write something, create something, try something or follow a little dream. 

I was painting this morning and I was thinking about what to call this new venture, what my mission/vision/ plan is? I thought I might ask others then God began to speak to my heart and say ” Doris Lynn I will reveal and it will unfold just as I have planned and just do what your doing”.

I feel grateful to be able to hear and know God’s voice speaking to my heart. 

Yesterday another voice came on like a flood… The speaker of condemnation, guilt and shame came visiting me. I was over tired, frustrated with myself and the liar came a calling and I picked up the phone and my morning was filled with let’s just say crying and words about me, to me out loud and for Paul to hear. 

I have not had that happen in well over a year. All I can say is get the behind me satan … You are a liar! 

I have a few things to write and share that are awesome things straight from God and I am ready to get on with whatever this next is … 

This morning I am working on my little Art Studio… 🎨🎨

Creating with God in that little room will be a blessing but right now I sit on my back porch swing listening to the birds chirp, the peacock hollar, and the rain hit the tim roof of the patio. 

Paradise to me the girl who never stopped to really smell a rose or enjoy the sounds around me that God created… 

Have a great day and I am praying that God will speak to your heart this morning like he has to me! 

Long ago I hoped I would live like this and my Hope was not Wasted! 

#hopenotwasted

#birdstheword

#itscloudyoutsidebutnotinmyheart

#Godishope

#ilovehashtags

1 Shade Of White – 50 shades of Grey

Standard

She wonders why women don’t take a stand, make a point to stand up for each other more? Why is it ok to go watch a movie that is filled with abuse. Oh come on Doris are you serious it’s no different than watching what’s on tv. In the ends they get married and have two children.
Oh I see !!! If it was your 18 year old daughter who was being groomed and basically raped, controlled and hurt emotionally – oh but it’s sexy and this is Love ! Oh I see Love!! Love !!!
What’s Love got to do with 50 shades of Grey?
It was 5 years ago that I was in a similar marriage and daily mentally tortured by my husband – only married 11months when I escaped.
I paid a huge price and just talking about him and it gives me anxiety!
I am about to relocate within miles of him tomorrow.
That’s all good – side story.
One day I got a very brave email from a very close and true friend that said I can’t accept your calls anymore because your staying and you will not leave, I can’t listen to you cry one more day.
The truth in her words woke me up
& it was then that I made a plan and made a way out.
Many knew what I lived in, many said wake up and yet his control held me in fear, he tortured me and enjoyed it!
It’s been a battle to get back the Doris I used to be!

Now many of you are going to pay money to get turned on to something that was my life and erotic it was not.
Talk to a victim of domestic violence, rape or sexual abuse and ask them about pretending they are all right and the lies they tell them selves! He Loves me! It’s control… It’s so many things.
My friends watched it for free and grieved at what I was living in!

This is not to condemn or judge you but to glamorize abuse and call it a movie makes me sick and that women are getting turned on by it, call it love and pay money to go see a great love story on Valentines day. Ask my very close Friend Debbie that’s raising her grandchildren after their mother was killed two years ago by her Christian Grey, ask her if Hollies love story ended with Love or if she’s being visited in a place that her broken body is resting.

Everyday this love story is on the evening news- sexual abuse, rape, sex trafficking and domestic violence and I can’t even watch it because I suffer from PTSD and one word of this gives me anxiety and triggers my fears.

I’ve heard if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.

What if we just thought about the bigger picture instead of wasting 2 hours getting turned on by a hidden lie that abuse is love and it’s romance.

I live romance now and it’s sexy, it’s the first time in my life I have felt safe in my entire life! I grew up in this very same life as a child same environment.

Well Doris that’s you !
Yes it is me but what if one day something happens to you that’s tragic and I make light of it?
What if I justify it by saying hey you know what, regardless of my beliefs, desire or opinion I think I will redirect my view a bit and look at a bigger picture not the desire to see man get turned on my humiliating a woman.
I was so humiliated in my life from sexual abuse as early as 3-4 years old and raped on the ground behind a skating rink and attacked by more than one person I was married to in anger that I clearly see the whole picture with open eyes… Doris you did not read the book!
Oh I tried first 6-7 chapters in 2012 to see what my married Christian friends were raving about on Facebook !
I cried the whole time reading it to Paul at night after making it through a chapter! I tore that book up and said nope I lived this I don’t need to read it…
Listen girls I love you and to not share this would just be very wrong…

If you want a real love story I am living it right now and it’s a page turner for me and Paul’s support has healed me but I still struggle with issues from
A life that few survive and he is patient and kind ….
Wipes the tears away and helps me feel safe for the first time …

Read my book “1 Shade of White”
It’s written daily on Facebook …

If you chose to go see it your free to and I still love you but please don’t stop loving me for sharing my story.

My Truth💔

Doris Lynn Humplik
Hopenotwasted

IMG_3525

IMG_3521

IMG_3523

Pray, Hope, Create

Standard

Have you ever had a book or a movie that just spoke to you? A book that was turned into a movie would be better right!
What happens if you read the book and watch the movie then wake up one day and realize that your on a similar path as the person who wrote the book, details are not exact but yet the struggle is the same really.
For me that book/movie would be Eat, Pray, Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I remember after the movie came out my friend Beth and I went to church that morning and went to lunch and to see the movie. Can I just say it was one of those moments that no doubt God was speaking to my heart that my life long search for Love was about to soon begin. Loving God & myself is where true love is found.

I had been married to a man for less than 6 months that I knew was no doubt a mistake, out of the will of God for my life and that my fear of being alone placed me with a man who would literally push me to the edge of insanity and if I did not flee, I was at risk of losing my life.

This movie became apart of my daily watch as I left and began my own little journey that I call “Pray, Hope, Create”.
In December 2010 three weeks before the first wedding anniversary I loaded my brand new 2010 Ford Escape and ironically did just that- escaped.

At this point in my life my children were grown pretty much and I don’t have family and basically it was just a part of God’s plan for my life to just be alone.
I was 42 years old, no career, no place to go and what I had was in my car or in a storage or two. I began a journey of discovering who God was really!
I had a close relationship with Him for well over 15 years and somehow I was in the wilderness and I knew He was there by me but He was silent.
I knew He was still working in my life and somehow knew it was going to be hard but I was going to need to just walk slowly in this season of my life.

I began a journey of being without a home and lived on a Hope that could only be given to me by God himself. Hope kept me alive when I wanted to curl up and die.
Hope that kept me warm in a house that someone let me stay in without heat and it was in the 20’s outside and for a Texas girl that’s cold. Oh and no television and Internet connection and limited cell coverage. I had my art, crafts, paper, pen and bible. I lasted there for a few weeks and off to my next location.
If you have seen the movie you know she goes from country to country – place to place for a little while. On a journey of self- discovery and her search for God. So I called this time in my life – my mini Eat, Pray, Love experience.
Only it was Pray, Hope and Create!

Through tear filled eyes and with a broken spirit that from a life of abuses, injustice and choices, along with the things in my life I never truly dealt with I began my journey with God and it would take me on an adventure that would lead me to having a greater relationship with Him, a freedom to leave when I wanted to leave someplace, I learned that I must love God first then truly get to know myself and like the person I am.
It’s been a interesting journey from 2009 until today but what I have learned is that there’s no other person on this earth who can truly complete you, there is no one who can fill the void in your life, who can supply your needs.
I know that I was alone, no money, no savings, no full time job, no home, no solid support (although God used many folks) I had to totally say in Prayer “Ok It’s me & You God, if you want me to make it, You have to provide.

He did just that and it was a humbling, hard, lonely adventure that I went on, but the end result was I found Hope in Christ that was undeniable and it happened over and over again.
I prayed that prayer it’s me and you God if I am gonna make it you do it, I found Hope that was so big that I began to grow a few feathers on my broken wings, I began to create the life I wanted to live by learning who I am and giving up caring what other people think and trying to please everyone at the cost of who I am.
I cried more tears than you can imagine, I looked a little crazy, thought I was going insane,I gave up control of my life, heard God clearly and learned that I can trust God to order my steps. I found true love on that very broken run way . I spent a few years Isolated,healing and regrowing my feathers. I have been running down the run way for the last year and a half getting to the edge of take off and stopping just before I take flight, it’s out of fear of falling instead of soaring. This past Monday I was doing my art bible journaling and documenting my faith and our word prompt this month is Believe and I played the song “ I believe I can fly” I cried and cried because I think that is where I am right now! Running to the edge and stopping with my fear of flying…..

How about you, do you have a fear of something?
What’s holding you back?

Ask God to help you with the fear and lets jump together and see how high we can fly!

BELIEVE

I believe I can fly !!!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

IMG_2914

IMG_2915

Finding a meaning & purpose in 2015 💗

Standard

It was a couple of weeks ago when Paul and I were having a conversation about what we were meant to do with our life, our purpose, calling and my wrestling with my needing to find what I am meant to do at this season in my life.

I am not one who can just live life without meaning and I think that’s how I have survived my life. Finding something more out of tragic events, mistakes, injustice, wrong turns and the horrific things that I have had happen in my life and some wrong turns. I always think that God can somehow use it and use me in turn so that helps me fight off the part of me that will wallow in self-pity and become overwhelmed with despair.

So I am struggling with what I am gonna be now that I am grown up, kids all live far away and I can’t just go through a day without finding meaning or HOPE.
Paul says to me “ what if your doing what your meant to do Doris?”.
I busted into tears at the thought. Is he saying this is it? As if what I do is not important because there’s just he & I. I had a anxiety attack and in that moment just felt despair come over me.
This is it, I thought to myself, just day to day living in four walls, doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking supper, grocery store, shopping, creating journal pages, collecting junk , talking to people on Facebook and dreaming? That’s it? Really ?

Then Paul said to me and this was not the first time he said these exact words to me.
He said “ My Purpose and my calling is to love and protect you that’s what I am meant to do, and it’s a pleasure”.

My mind goes back to my journal scribble- prayer to God on a scrap piece of paper the night I sat in my car crying, alone and writing a prayer to God and begging him to sent me a Hero and a Champion- then just two days after my first meeting with Paul at the skating rink where we went as children we meet. I am sitting alone in my car crying. I write my prayer and go inside get on Facebook and shared pictures with Paul of his daughter and him that I took and the rest is a dream come true, a simple tear feeler prayer answered.

From our second date until today almost 4 years later he has continued to be my hero and champion. He rescued me & I rescued him because God knew that we were the ones who could meet the needs of the other.
A girl holding tightly to Hope Not Wasted and fighting off despair and a guy who was ready to have a someone see him for who he really was and respect him.

So my husband says I am his purpose, and I still wrestle with more…
He has a wonderful career and I follow him eagerly as we go from project to project and know that our home is where we are together and I am accepting of that and do not mind it much.
I am a tad spoiled and he says it to me all the time, his girl gets what she wants.
What does she really want is the question?

Do not get me wrong … My relationship with God is first and Paul is second and it may look like its out of order but trust me God is in my heart and he guides me daily but there are moments where I can get out of line. If my children were home they would be next and everything else after that. My children are grown and I raised them to have independent lives and they are doing what young adults do. So what’s next for me?

Dreaming with my eyes wide open and resting in the fact that if my only purpose is to love my God, love and adore my husband and Facebook with my friends, pray, encourage others as I go through life then I am just fine with that.
I still feel deep inside there’s more … She’s 46 and she believes she can share the Hope she found in her hopeless place and help someone else.

So is she a just a wife, mother, writer, artist, decorator, friend, prayer warrior, encourager, treasurer hunter, thrift shopper, and all around goof ball who’s often misunderstood and is a emotional girl and loves Jesus with her whole heart well she’s ok with it.

But I feel there’s just a lil more for me…

What about you?

What are you meant to do?

Are you feeling like there’s a dream in you?

Are you like me & wrestling with a dream that’s not clear?

In 2015 let’s be brave enough to move towards those dreams together because I think together we can see them come true!

Dreaming with my eyes wide open!

Hope in Christ and your Hope will Not be Wasted.

2015/01/img_2808.jpg

Dreaming New Dreams in 2015

Standard

2014 was a great year for me as far as healing goes and gaining strength inside from being broken and wounded and having Jesus apply His super healing super glue on my broken places. I began last January to seek out old dreams and I began to discover what I was meant to do.

So I started with Nashville at the end of January, after raising my hand and saying Yes I would love to join Karen Kingsbury as she films The Family of Jesus with just a few other women.
This was after going to Austin 6 months prior and joining Jennie Allen and her filming of Restless.

I was getting my grove back and being brave enough to think just maybe God could use this girl again! A girl who walked with Him and trusted Him and yet messed up by divorcing after 18 years of marriage only to marry someone to fast who nearly broke what was left of her fragile spirit and heart.
Failure, guilt, shame, rejection,fear,abandonment, humiliation and every feeling of despair was on my back and I carried it as far as I could and I decided in December 2010 that I could no longer carry it so I loaded my 2010 Ford Escape and drove off into a world that I just did not fit in, but I was not alone.
God the father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit the three in one was with me.
It all got real for me and He was all I felt that I had. I was so broken that ….

Back to my story…. To much Backstory to tell …

So Then after Nashville I began to dream again…
Writer 📖 I am a writer again… See once upon a time long ago in a land a few hours away, I was writing, getting published a little, seeking all things writing and speaking. Then it happened … It all fell apart… Life happened, depression set in and despair became a heavy weight…
Back to the story of last year, so Nashville then I am brave enough to sign up for “She Speaks with Lysa Terkeust and Proverbs 31 ministries and schedule meeting with two publishers.
In the stress of preparing I decide to attend a writers conference in Colorado in May to prepare, get my feet wet before I go to the big one!
Long story Short I spent most of the time alone and did not really want to connect because that’s just where I was at the time but I had two meetings there with a editor, writer super hero kinda guy who actually is Hope & Humor and he’s a man with great wisdom and then I met with a author, speaker, writer, singer & awesome person who I did not know who actually helped me so much by extending my meeting because she loved me so much and we connected.
I left there feeling I don’t know what because of a family situation that unfolded with a family member on the last night and extended out from may until July and I was not really as ready as I needed to be for July for meeting with Zondervan & Thomas Nelson or so I thought.
Long story short it was a awesome conference but something still was not right with me & writing a book. Thomas Nelson wanted a proposal and I should have been excited to write it.

Secretly I have a hidden or not hidden attraction to art, scrapbooking, supplies and crafts.
For years … I buy and dabble a lil… Just a little …
August I sell it all thousands of dollars for pennies to focus on writing and I feel alright with it.
Then God places in my path Journaling bible group… I resisted the Fad I thought tossed it around and then joined the group, it has changed my life, dreams, passions and my whole prayer life and confidence. So guess who started buying crafts, creating and discovering who she really is and wow…. When you are doing what you are passionate about it truly is freedom, I have met so many great women, changed the direction of my dreams, pray more, love more, see people more, I am living my life in a way where I don’t care what the world says about me.
I block out any guilt, shame or negative voices and I have let go of the past and when I look in the mirror I like what I see… Ok sometimes not so much but you know what I mean.
I write with freedom although not as much on my own Facebook or blog as much as in my groups. With other like minded women who are just like me who give me the freedom to say what’s in my heart. They are surrounding my life and I am interacting with people who I never met but I am so connected to. In April I am flying to California to join some in a small retreat with oh my gosh real artists. Like the ones you see at Michael’s, Hobby Lobby and Joanne’s. They are the women who are the artists but I get to somehow take what I am meant to do and meet with them and retreat to create with the creator and I am very excited about it.

This morning I realized that I am a writer, artist, creative decorator, I love paper and stickers,glue, paint, finding lost treasures and trash others toss aside, helping others, praying and HOPE but mostly the Creator is who I really Love and cannot live without!
I am still on my path to finding out what Hope Not Wasted will become but I know I am on the edge of the cliff and I am ready to jump off into the Brave New World of Creating, writing and following the dream written in my heart by God… It’s all about him anyway….

What are you dreaming? What’s burning inside you? Ask God to come in and shine his light on the path he has for you to walk, that’s what I am gonna do.

Writing my vision down after this post ….

Habakkuk 2 says

Write the vision and make it plain on tablets ….

2015/01/img_2801.jpg