Somedays I am just a mess…

There are days and times I just cry and have no idea why; but the tears stream out of my eyes and pour down my face.

Not everything in my life is perfect and the lie we often tell ourselves is that if everything was perfect that we would be content. The truth is we must learn to be content when things are going wrong. I am content with my life even if I have broken relationships and sometimes have anxiety that appears out of nowhere and it leaves me feeling out of control.
I am 46 years old and I feel like I am an 18 year old girl trying to figure out what she’s is gonna be when she grows up. I have always loved being a homemaker and creating, decorating and organizing my space. I guess it comes from what I didn’t have as a child and what I wanted and part of that was the poor little girl who lived in a house that was filled with four smokers and the less than clean condition of my home. The roaches that crawled everywhere and rats that were a constant issue. I can hear the song “Fancy” in my head right now… As a roach crawled across the toe of my high heeled shoe🎶. That’s my story …. In a different version but sorta the same.

As a child my home was full of constant bickering, fighting, anger, abuse and often the adults around me were fighting over me. My grandparents and my parents would scream about a little girl who sat on her the green vinyl green couch and pulled on the duct tape that covered a hole. When conflict comes in my life I instantly go right back to that little girl and my insides are full of fear and I shake.
In my life I have at all costs avoided conflict and often took less than I deserve to avoid it, because there was just to much in my life as a child and in order for me to survive this world I cope by running away from conflict and I just can’t hardly stand hurting anyone, even if they deserve it. My next thought was “no one deserves to be hurt” see in my head there’s always a defense for everyone else but never myself. No wonder I cry suddenly because I am so tired of battling my own self in my mind that I am just plain tired.

For 3 years ago just 4 days before my first date with Paul and the very day we first sent a message on Facebook after our reunion, I sat in my car because the electricity was out where I was staying and it was August 14, 2011 and it was hot in a upstairs apt so I sat in my car with the air on and with tears in my eyes, I grabbed a flyer and wrote a prayer to God and asked him to send me a Hero, a Champion someone who could unlock my heart and help me feel love.
That night we sent our first message and 4 days later went on our first date then the rest is history and “Team Possible” began a new life together.

My husband listened to me, heard me and has done everything in his power to keep me safe from conflict and confusion. He is content to just love me and He says he feels like his calling in life and the purpose and plan God has for him is to Love Me. ❤️
I really feel blessed and Thankful after all my mishaps, mistakes and 3 prior marriages that ended in divorce and the pain I caused my three children in life, even though it was not intentional. I know I caused pain and I reap daily what I have sown good and bad in my life.
I am constantly amazed at the Mercy and Grace of God to me. He truly does give you the desires of your heart because He knows our hearts and knows our messy stories.
He gives us Hope in the dark times of our life and when we cry for no reason if we just ask him he will speak to us and comfort us as we cry.

Today I just put my fingers to the keyboard and see what comes out and today it’s a messy little bit of my life, painted with my tears and the overflow of a grateful heart.
God does allow U-turns and He will give you a peace even if everything is not perfect in your life. God’s Love is perfect but you just have to accept it and let Him in your heart.

Hope is never wasted if you place your Hope in God and your life is not wasted even if you made a wrong turn.

Doris Lynn Humplik – Hope Not Wasted

💗The Story of Us💗

My eyes well up with tears when I even begin to think about the Grace and Mercy that God has given to Paul and I, we both have been married 3 times each. Two of my three marriages lasted less than a year and one was 18 years. His story is not exactly the same as far as details go but it’s truly just like mine. If you don’t know our little love story that was handwritten by God himself here’s the very short version.
Paul and I grew up in Houston, Texas on the “Northside” which is well known for being the hood. We lived 3 streets apart our whole childhood but I was 1 grade above him, 1 year 3 days older and I ran in a different crowd, I was friends with his older brother David who was a year older than me. We knew of each other and were Facebook friends who never interacted.
Life happens 3 marriages, 3 divorces and we meet approx 26 years later a group of
north-siders get together to have a reunion and we are both there by no doubt divine intervention and there is no doubt in our hearts. August 12, 2011 our lives come face to face with God’s divine plan for our lives. I am with my childhood friends in a place that brought me great joy and peace in my life and I am skating around with my pink camera shooting pictures seeing folks I have not seen in 26 years. I roller skate right up to Paul and scream ” Paul Humplik” and we chit chat I ask if he’s gonna skate he says no and I snap a picture of him with his daughter and skate off. I look up in a little bit he’s on skates, I smile a little smile take a picture and go on.
This was Friday night, then Sunday night I was sitting in my car outside where I was living because the electricity went out and air conditioner was needed. I was in a broken place in my life and just desperate for God to help me. I was very close to God and I was in a place of its me & God and that’s all I needed or trusted in my life.

I grabbed a random flyer that was in my car and wrote a prayer to God asking him to help me to send me a Hero, a Champion someone who would love me for me. I was tired and for 10 months had basically been 100 percent dependent on God to provide for me.
So I write this note pray, cry and the lights come on and I go in and fire up my computer and upload pictures to Facebook and begin tagging and sending them to my Facebook friends who I saw Friday night. I send Paul the ones I took of him and that connected us. We began to text over the next few days and decide to go out to dinner on Thursday August 18, 2011 and the rest is a love story written by God himself. In the weeks to come Team Possible was born and on October 18, 2013 we were United in Marriage in West Monroe, La underneath the October sky at 7 pm, by ministers of the gospel who we had gotten to know as we attended White Ferry Road Church.
Two unlikely people who knew all the same people, understood where we came from, felt the rejection from those who were placed by God to love you, the sting of being misunderstood and failure in marriages but a Hope that one day we could let our guard down and let our hearts find the Love we were meant to have. Was it love at first site? No I don’t think that but I know there was a connection at first sight and by all accounts we should not be the two that would work. We had two very different lives before that night in August but yet there were the same. We have been a easy kinda thing, we don’t fight and we don’t fuss. The funny thing is who we were before us left when we met each other, or just maybe we were right where we were suppose to be. We are not proud to say this is our fourth marriage but I can say that this is a marriage designed by God and it’s in order as it should be. We love our roles as God set them in place and a little old fashioned I guess. I respect Paul and he honors me, because God is number one in our lives and then each other and everyone else is after that. How can you say that Doris? Our children are older and gone so that parent roll is not over but they have began their own happily ever afters as they so choose and that leaves us. Our lives together our new start and how awesome for us to be just like young Newlyweds who are on a journey together to find Gods plan for us but we are in older and tired bodies. The excitement we would have in our twenties we have now. The past is the past the pains are gone and we have moved on and when I look at Paul in his big blue eyes I only know the Love we have and I have forgotten anyone who was ever in my life before. He’s the same and everyday we live it like its our last because at 45 & 46 the end is just around the corner.
Happily ever after can come but you can’t make it come to you by your own doing.
You have to put God as your first and he will add the second to it. It works so much better if you Allow him to bring to you the one who your heart will really love and not someone who will fill the bed next to you. If your married and wishing this was something you could have in your life then roll over and look at the one you made the bond, contract or signed the marriage license with and work on that one. Trust me & Paul know well the pain of divorce and just because it happened for us this way does not mean ending your marriage that God will then give you your hero or champion, because it does not work that way. Our marriage is to give Hope to those who are alone and wanting what we have. Hope that one day in-spite of all that you have been through that God can bring you the one your heart can love if and only if you Cry out to Him and put Him first❤️. God is a loving God and He does not want us to be alone.
He wants to bring you Hope and a best friend, so together you can show the world that God is a merciful, forgiving and Loving God ….

Place your Hope in God and it will not be wasted….

That’s part of our story and we are sticking to it…

Paul & Doris Humplik
Team Possible
Living & Living our Gypsy life ❤️

She adjusted her sails when the wind blew her out to sea. She was alone and very frightened of what might happen to her but she had hope and her faith in God that he would not let her lose her Hope she placed in Him. God was with her when the waves came over the side and knocked her feet out from under her. There were times the water was so deep she was sure her boat would sink⚓️ her Hope was anchored in Christ so she grabbed the anchor and held on.
When the storm passed and the wind died down, she looked up and there was a rainbow.

She praised God and then walked over adjusted her sails and keep on going⚓️🙏☀️.

Doris Lynn Humplik
Hebrews 6:19
www. hopenotwasted.com

Growing up on Sesame Street; well not on “Sesame street” literally I actually grew up on (Bertrand) in Houston and there were no Bert or Ernie’s wait there was an Ernie but his last name was of Mexican decent and he was not Orange…
We did have cool nick names for people but…

Anyway back to what I was saying …

I was thinking and praying this morning and this came to mind ….

Four letter Words of the day !

Don’t Ya love 4 letter words? I do !!!
So today our four letter words are:

Time
Pray
Hope

For me I waste time everyday, it takes me a long time to do nothing.

Pray I need to do more of that for others, I should be about my fathers business and take my eyes off of me and pray for you.

Hope well that goes without saying to you who know me!!! Hopes in my blood, it’s who I am…

So today take the Time to Pray for others and help them find Hope !

Woe that’s good stuff right there….

Time… Pray … Hope…

Those are words to think on today …

Here on Hope Not Wasted Street …

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part 🎶🎶

Little Tom Petty singing today …

Have you ever just waited for something you wanted to happen then to find your self filled with disappointment when it didn’t?

Have you ever waited for someone to make the right choice ? To choose you …

What about waiting for a reconciliation to a relationship that just isn’t going to heal or the relationship will never come to a place of unity?

What about waiting for a door to open for you and you stand before it and your so close your not sure if it’s opened or closed?

I have played all of these waiting games in my 46 years of my life. Now in my life I am realizing that I am stuck in the waiting. Let me explain this, the best I can.

My whole life I have been rather impulsive and it worked very well for me because I was not really good at waiting for someone else to do what I could do myself. If I needed something done in my life for most of my adult life I just did it, early in life I learned that I could not wait on others.

My marriage of 18 years for example I was a wife and mother who just saw what she needed to do and did it without thinking. Move a piece of furniture, change the oil in the car, redecorate, relocate, buy a new car alone, close on a house with out my spouse and make any major decision I could do it with confidence because I did not need to wait.
If I wanted a friendship, I did not wait for them to come to me, I went after them. If I felt the Lord calling me to do something, go somewhere, give away something, speak, write, minister or follow a path he was leading me down I did not wait I just did it. If I needed to forgive someone I went to them and made amends fast because forgiveness was important to me.

That was until I was about 37 or 38 years old and then I stopped being impulsive and stopped doing and began waiting, losing hope, procrastination and depression entered my life and I stopped everything.

I wanted the old Doris to come back but slowly she left.. Slowly she was gone and the new Doris showed up…

I waited on a my marriage to heal for a very long time and it didn’t, I waited for the church to accept me and get my unique calling and they didn’t so I stopped waiting and gave up and lost Hope.I let my disappointment keep me from God and I stopped waiting on Him. So then I took the waiting into my own hands and changed not only my life and the lives of my children, my ex husband, myself and my friends and family because I stopped waiting.

Let me be clear- do not regret where I am right at this minute! God turned it all around and has used things in my life for Good!
The point of this is waiting story is …. To tell you that now I am 100 percent not impulsive, will not go for reconsiliation, go after friendships like I once did and my waiting is now a stronghold because I don’t trust myself like I once did. I wait and procrastinate worse than you can imagine.
My fear of failing in who I was has taken over and became a stronghold and now where I feel called I don’t move because I am waiting for God to move and open the door for me. I am now asking God to do what I once would do for myself and not have fear and I am stuck in my waiting and procrastination. It’s like a crazy prison of sorts.

There is balance between who I once was and who I have turned into at 46 years old.
Fear of moving to fast, doing something on my own strength is now a stronghold in my life. It has turned me into a brave coward!!! That makes no sense but it does! I want to hang out with others but can’t, I want to go do but I am stuck, I want to be me but I am scared, I am stuck in waiting. It’s a lonely place to just be alone all the time. I am only hurting myself and living in fear and did not realize it until today. As I write these posts I realize what’s going on!

I have allowed Fear to take over and truly keep me from flying and being who God has called me to be. I have trained this year, met with two publishers and met great people, have a vision for what I am to do but instead of doing it … I wait, I procrastinate, I wait, I stand in front of an open door and wait…

What are you waiting on? What have you lost Hope in ?
How can you wait for God to do and what do you need to do for yourself?

I pray this morning that we will seek God with our whole being and wait when we need to wait and walk through an open door when it opens. First we must pray and put our Hope in the Lord and His Word.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5

Doris Lynn Humplik – hopenotwasted

Twenty five years ago today I came face to face with the reality that in one moment your life can just end and when I think about the reality of the things I could of missed it humbles me that I would have missed so much. Twenty five birthdays, My son chase would not have been born a year later on 10-30-90 , my daughter Rhea would not have been born three years later 10-19-92. When I think over the twenty five extra years it brings me to tears and reminds me that God had a purpose for my life and every day I have left is just bonus days for me.
What a life I have had in my 25 bonus years…

It was two days short of one month after my 21st birthday and I worked at a health club in Humble, Texas and went on a first date with Neil. We went dancing and then to Taco Bell Right in front of Deer Brook Mall and we ate in the truck and my last memory was putting trash into a bag and next was waking up to people surrounding my bed and they had bowed heads and they were praying.

I don’t know who they are, they are all strangers to me. In fact I didn’t even know anyone who goes to church. God placed it on someone’s heart to call a church in Alvin, Texas and those people surrounded a young 21 year old girl and prayed. I was taken to Ben Taub trauma hospital and with a broken neck and head injury it was not the norm for someone to survive or walk away. Doris Lynn White walked out with her Halo Brace on. I remember thinking this God is out to get me! My life for my first 21 years was at times a living hell. Then here I was damaged; I had never had a stitch, broken bone or major injury physically like this most of my abuses were sexually and emotional and those were norm and I could handle those but this made me angry!
Now my face was ruined, my brain was injured and to many details to share in one post. God had a plan to get me alright ! He wanted my heart and my life and because those strangers came to my bedside and prayed for me I believe I am still here to fulfill his purpose and I had a great extra 25 years. October is a big month in my life 🙏.
My life was spared I gave birth to two of my three children and I married Paul last Oct 18 and he chose October because he knew this was my new beginning month! It’s the month where I get a new start… It’s my New chance at life month!

The story is …. A 18 year old girl driving approx 80 miles per hour 3 x over the limit hit us head on we were going approx 40 because we were just pulling out. I went through windshield and I was the worst injured. I did not have my seat belt on that was before it was made a law.

The short of the very long story which is as important as this little bit …. I am alive because God saved me and gave me a little extra time here on earth. I am grateful every minute, sometimes when I have my very regretful moments in my life, I am reminded of Gods mercy and Grace to me. When I get to feeling sorry for myself I remember the gift of these extra days. I often have fear that I might lose my life before I actually get to do what he has called me to do then I rest in the fact maybe all I was suppose to do is what I have done and that’s enough.

So if I am a lil weird and post a zillion selfies and pictures it’s just me saying this could be my last picture !!! My last memory because I want them. Just incase … I am thankful that God saved me because the reality of it all is I did not invite Jesus into my heart until 1993.
So if the bible is correct then I was headed to hell👹🔥.

I am grateful that I have gotten to know Jesus and intimately know Him.

If you don’t know him, nows your time because we are not promised tomorrow …. He is real … If you don’t believe ask a nurse about the C-1 & C-2 injury to a neck and I broke C-2 in two places.

God placed His Hope in me and it will not be wasted…..

Hope Not Wasted is Doris Lynn Humplik
Hebrews 6:19
John 3:16

He died so I could live!

My journey of being brave started the day I was born but my real Brave Started in 2010 that’s when I became a BRAVE GIRL and joined a club of other girls doing brave things….

This journey the last 4 years have been the most painful in my life and sometimes you have to lose it all so you can really learn who you are and become that person…

During that time I learned that although I was often and still remain alone almost 50 percent of my time, that you must learn to be alone with yourself, but while your alone, you speak kindly to yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself and free your heart of anger and resentment. Forgive those who have wronged you even though they have no idea.
Let go of the past and enjoy today…
No looking back and dwelling on yesterday …

Be Brave enough to move forward and block out the negative and put in the the good stuff.
Be Brave even if you feel alone… Your not Brave Alone …. God is right beside you, He goes before you and leads you …. Be brave enough to face hard things and do it without dread…

Go be brave …. Go live this life …

Go rebuild what was torn down…
I am a brave girl and that’s what I am gonna do!!!!

💗 Doris Lynn Humplik

Hope Not Wasted ❤️

No One is Brave Alone- Annie Downs
#letsallbebrave

Check out this book
Let’s all be Brave – Annie Downs

Can you hear me now? Did I lose you? Ugh did my call drop?

That’s sometimes what it feels like when one minute your friends are right there and everything is going great and then all of a sudden they are gone from the other end of the line.

Disconnected; they are gone and the other end of the line is silent.
Maybe your driving along on the road of life and you hit a dead spot…
You know there was a dip in the road or maybe you hit a pothole and lost control of the wheel and slid off in a ditch…
That’s my story and it seems I lost my signal and got disconnected and actually a few I just hit the ignore button on my phone and tried to pull my own self up out of the ditch.

The point of this whole little post this morning is that we need each other and we need connections that last throughout the journey of our lives. The ones that if you disconnect with its you get a signal back they pick up with you right where you left off.
They are the folks that no matter how far in the ditch you fall down, they are there to reconnect and restart the conversation again.

5 years ago I disconnected my journey from many people and only connected through face-book, it was a slow disconnect but a disconnect that I needed and maybe we all needed.
My fall into the ditch was one that was no doubt the best thing and the worst that could have happened to me.
I began 2013 with a slow reconnect to my long time friends.
I have always made friends very easy and connections with others comes easy with my personality and life experiences.

For the last three years I have connected with a man who is no doubt the best friend I have ever had in my life, my husband Paul. The deepest, most trusting, authentic, accepting and healing relationship in this earth thar I have had since I was born. ( Jesus & I are closer)
We have a unique friendship and marriage. What we say on a regular basis is all we need is each other, as long as we have God and each other then we are good.
I am thinking that we are protecting ourselves from others when we say that, because truly we were meant to live our lives not on a island of two.

The last three days have been very strange for me, I have been teary eyed and sad.
I spend my days connecting with God, Paul, Facebook, blogs, Instagram, Spotify and YouTube, and a occasional clerk at a store. I have traveled & moved so many times since 2011 that I have not allowed connections to be built, or deep connections with other women.
I am a girl and I need other girls to grow in my life, that’s how we thrive in life.
Friendships are very important and I have basically sucked at it for a few years.

Can you hear me now, is this phone on and Can we Talk?
I went through a very very hard season in my life at 40 years old and I am ready for the next season to be filled with lots of folks surrounding Paul and I.

He and I have not had great relationships before us and we are solid as the Rock we built our relationship on, but we do need to connect to others, even if we lie to ourselves and say we don’t and that we are enough for each other.
God made men to build men up and women to encourage other women.

Last night I cried because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and my darling husband comes over to me trying to say the right words to me. I was tearing up when I said I didn’t like the way I was feeling and I was scared because I did not want to fall into depression again.
Oh a real fear that happens to someone who was once hopeless …
I told him I feel like I am alone to much and it’s taking a toll on me, he said a few things, trying to figure out who I could connect with. I said I got this, it’s me that’s not connecting!

We all need connections, not just Facebook but face to face. We need to reconnect with each other in real life. Find those with the same visions, dreams, loves and desires as you and grow together, learn from each other and encourage each other.
When we know better then we try to do better and I am realizing that I gotta get out of this isolation that I keep myself in …

Can you hear me now? Is this thing on? Did I lose you?

Who needs you? Who can you connect to today?

We need each other and we must connect face to face !

As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

My whole life I have walked in defense, it comes from how my life began and it’s continued throughout my whole life. It’s something that I am aware of but often just do it without realizing it.

Last night it was a simple conversation between my husband and I that really drew attention to this issue, that I am very aware of and despise.
My need to defend myself… An exhausting and confusing struggle for me.

Paul comes out of the bathroom and says well “ Doris you didn’t do your job”. He’s said in a joking manner. The TV was on in the living room.
I was not watching tv in the living room so here goes my defense.
Without thinking I am tossed into a defensive and anxiety filled feeling inside because I actually was in there and turned off lights and he was still in the room, so I left the room and never thought another thing about it.

He jokingly says “ You didn’t do your job” I go into a defensive mode that he gets on a regular basis and I hate it. Last night he walks over to me after my little speech that I go into about how I turned off the lights and he turned off the tv I thought and blah blah. He gently grabs my face and says “ Doris how long have we been together and have I ever once put you down or criticized you? I reply with a No! I say Paul 40 plus years of needing to defend cannot be erased in 3 years. He says to me with his hands on my face, he loves me and basically that there’s nothing that I do wrong. I say “but it’s my job to take care of our home and all that goes with it”.
Paul smiles his big smile and looks at me and says “ Your only Job is to Love me”. Paul that’s just so easy to do “I got that one”.

This morning I am reminded of the defensive life I have lived and how exhausting it has been to be me. Living in defense of my own self. My every action, choice, thought or deed.

Yet when I need to defend myself I won’t. Big things in my life I don’t defend or think I deserve to be defended.
Somehow with Paul I defend the small things.

In my life I am always working hard to do the right thing, say the right thing, follow all the rules in life and that sometimes leaves me a little bit uptight in moments because I am trying to not offend and to basically be perfect and of course I completely fail at that.

In the last 5 years of my life has been a pulling away from any form of pain and that includes close relationships because when you lose everything and everyone it seems letting others in can be pretty frightening.

My relationship with Paul has been very different because with him I just trust him and I know he has nothing but pure love for me. He never expects me to do a thing but love him. That is very easy to do because he is so loving and affectionate to me, even when affection is not a comfortable thing for me. That’s another story for another day.

It’s funny when you surrender you life to God he always continues working in you if you allow him to.
I want to get this layer of defensiveness off of me. I am grateful that God brought me someone I trust to help me pull back the layers of life that has held me down and soon I will be free to fly without the chains of defensiveness.

I can’t imagine how far I will fly without my holding my own self back.

What’s holding you back from flying?

What old thing do you wrestle with that you need to unchain yourself from?

Fly free !!! I am going to let go of “Living in Defense”….

What a relief that will be …

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love Ephesians 4:2 ESV

This morning as I was studying Acts 4:32-37 for my heArt Worship…
Acts is written to teach us how to practice Christianity under the power of the Holy Spirit, it gives us examples of how to live together in meaningful Christian fellowship and sharing freely with one another.
A Song comes to mind that we would sing as apart “ The Walk to Emmaus” it’s a movement of a body of believers from all denominations , I was involved with a few years back. It is the body working unified and a few of the words are :

🎶“We are one in the Spirit
We are one in the Lord… 
We are one in the Spirit … We are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored…
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love” ❤️

I learned unity and true Agape Love in the Emmaus Community, so as I was studying this morning I was reminded of friendship, teamwork, different gifts we all have and then using them to help each other. Some have the gift of encouragement, teaching, helps, giving, preaching, creating art that inspires, writing words, showing mercy and compassion. What ever our gifts are we are called to Share them!!
Which leads me to the next Song and get ready for this one because it’s from my time as a stay at home mom with two small children and it’s 1992-1993 and the singer is our favorite purple guy Barney!! He’s teaching the kids to share and he sings …
“ Your Friends are my friends & My friends are your friends
The more we share together the happier we will be”
So here in Acts 4:32-37 Doris version 🙋
As Christians we have everything in common … We are one heart and one soul and everything we possess was to be shared with others who had need…
We have everything in common and let’s all use it!
The Grace was upon them to do so… If you need to sell stuff to help someone just do it. Give if you have it!
Most important is that we have the Power to give witness to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. So we are called to share with each other …

This is something that God gave me to teach,write and speak in 2003 and it was simply this: Make a friend … Be a friend … Lead your friend to Jesus…
They will know we are Christians by our love for each other💗