She Let it Go…. Really let it all go …

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I have been away from Groves and Southeast Texas for 4 years this month and this is where my children Chase & Rhea were raised since they were 2 and 4 years old so this place is Home more so than anywhere else I have lived. I have wonderful friends there the best memories and it was a great place to raise my children.
Yet after the struggles of two back to back divorces … It was within 16 months time frame … One marriage of 18 years and one of 11 months it left me humiliated and frozen and “no I did not want to build a snow man”.
I decided just a few months ago approx August that I was going to just “Let it go” yes I am going there so get ready…
It’s been a year of Letting Go-
I built a kingdom of isolation and yes I was the Queen!
The wind was howling, swirling and it was a storm inside. I couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried!

So I have spent 42 of my 46 years saying Don’t let them in, Don’t let them see.
Since I was saved in 1993 I began to try and break free from a traumatic childhood and I hide the pain because in Jesus name I was healed … Right that’s what Good Christian girls say!

So I said to myself “Don’t let them in, Don’t let them see
be the Good girl you always have to be, conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know !

Ha then 2005 depression and repressed childhood issues and triggers came and I began to have an emotional breakdown and all the time I was fighting to keep it all in tact and counsel through it all…

Well, now they all know the whole world knows!
Humiliation and defeat happened and 4 years ago I loaded my White Ford Escape and I Let that community go… I let it all go…
I turned away and slam the door.
I don’t care What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on, the Cold never bothered me anyway!

The wrong people payed for my lifetime of trauma after trauma that I just keep on keeping on with.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small and the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all.

So my friend Debbie Lawson asks me two months ago to come and do my magic… She has a beautiful historic old house that she & her
husband Mark have lived in a couple of years and she said at Christmas time I always think it needs some of your unique way of creating something in a junking kinda funky way.
So for two months I have shopped in Goodwills, thrift stores and played around in my own little goodie stash to find treasures for my friend.
I will be back to my “Let it Go”song in a bit.
There have only been a few people in my entire life that I can fully connect with and I mean just know that no matter what I say or how I act they really really get me. Debbie is one of those people.
She and I have been connected since our boys started Kindergarten. We connected on a deep level and during our friendship we walked together through many tragic things, trials, marriage issues, wayward children, church struggles, many road trips and she attended my brothers funeral with me and struggled through the trials of a girl who struggled within herself to be a mom she never had.
So her asking me to do this after I distanced myself was a coming home for me.

Back to Let it go –

So this year I have been on a journey of bringing Doris back- a girl who has hidden behind her Facebook for 5 years …

It’s time to test the limits and see what I can do…

So she drags Kim Shaw with her to The filming of Karen Kingsbury’s bible study in Nashville in January… Shes letting go…
We join membership at Woodlands church.
I begin to go to a local writers group the Woodlands, join a bible study with other women and respond in the group with things I know and little stories.
I slowly connect with people outside Facebook… Oh the pictures and selfies.
I fly to Colorado and go to the writers conf and connect with new friends and Donna Perry comes and stays the night.
I mend a relationship with Randy and Alba my niece Presleigh’s parents.. I go to She Speaks and drag poor Lyndell with me from BridgeCity.
I meet all kinds of cool people there that I admire like Jerry Jenkins, Lysa Terkhurst and oh like Christine Cain.
Meet with Zondervan and Thomas Nelson.
I slowly begin to rejoin the world this past year.
For my birthday I buy tickets and Virginia Wilder and I go see & meet Chonda Pierce front and center !!!

Then in August I sell thousands of dollars of Crafts and all of everything and let go of it all to then two weeks later, join an online group that simply was the kick I needed to bring me back out to being who I am!!!!
Oh the writing and vision changed and I began to read my bible in a new way.
I began to just let go of the regret, shame
and guilt I carried.
I let go of people … I unfriended, blocked and decided that if they are not for me then I let them go.

So it’s time to see what I can do… Test the limits and break through.

No right, No
wrong, No Rules for me I’m Free !!!
I am like the wind and Sky…
Let it go … Let it go… You’ll never see me cry!

Here I stand and here I’ll stay, let the storm rage on!

I am never going back the past is the past! Let it go…

Let it go and I’ll rise like the break of dawn let it go, let it go.. The perfect girl is gone!

Here I stand in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway!

So I the greatest gift of all this Let it go- kinda year is reconnecting to my youngest daughter Rhea and actually not hiding behind a wall of ice frozen but letting the ice melt away and being free to be mom again without hiding behind my guilt and shame…

If you have things you need to let go of, oh please do it as fast as you can…

Freedom awaits you and letting go is true freedom …
Ask God to help you … He’s so not who you think He is…
He’s so gracious and merciful…
Oh goodness in the 10 Months from 12-2010 until 08-2011 I was on my journey of Building the foundation of building Hope not Wasted and it was God, me & my Ford Escape, homeless and broken but God lead me to my husband and a new journey in my life and I can tell you God is not who the legalistic church folks say He is.
He’s a Holy God but He will meet you right in the midst of your pain, struggle, shame,guilt, your past, your sin or whatever your in the middle of. He is not a mean God.
I reaped what I sowed… Some things were bad but oh the good stuff I also reaped from all the years of good seeds planted…
Look at my last Name and look who I am married to and Look at how awesome our story is ….

We let it go ….

The cold never bothered us anyway…

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Kirk Cameron Saved Our Christmas 🌲

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Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas just might have saved ours.

We are nearing our 4th Christmas together and my 6th Christmas without being in a home as a family unit with my children. About the same time frame for Paul.

We have half hearted walked into every Christmas season together. We have done the bare minimum to get through a season. He and I do not exchange gifts and on Christmas Day we just walk emotionless through whatever needs to be done.
If you were to ask us about Christmas before we were together, our eyes will light up with stories of our Children and things we would do to decorate, celebrate and give during the holiday season. Then there were divorces, distance and strains of life that happened in relationships and our Christmas spirit left. We never celebrate the day that separately we loved so much. Both of us coming from broken homes we tried with our children to recreate the day that we longed for as kids.
Then due to divorces it was all lost.

Then God divinely brings us together and we just don’t have the Christmas spirit, oh we have tried but not with our whole heart like before we became a couple. (Team Possible)

Then we go and watch Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas and it might have saved our future Christmas holidays. This movie brought me to tears and only because I had lost the desire to do my thing that I so loved and I resisted getting into the spirit, simply because I have no children in my home, Paul and I just don’t seem to fit anywhere. No mom & dad to go visit, no children to see because they are away from home through miles or in their hearts.
So we chose somehow without ever saying it to each other, have not given our whole heart in the season. We are the outsiders, the misfits and the couple who after starting life new just have no people to join with. No pity for us it’s just Me stating the facts because it’s the way it is for to many reasons to explain and we have each other and our great relationship and we have God as our foundation. – back to my lil Story…. This movie left us sitting in the theatre talking about what we had just learned and how we had not celebrated and started our own traditions alone. We need to put ourselves back into the Christmas Story that we want to write so we don’t remain that Guy in this story.

Today we actually decided we will for the first time decorate fully and celebrate this year with our whole heart. Santa is welcome to come hang out with the Humplik’s and with Christ because he’s the reason we celebrate this season. We actually celebrate all year long but after watching this movie and the insight on the meaning of swaddling clothes, the tree, ornaments, St. Nick, presents and the reminder of whole reason for Christmas we decided to get our pens out and write our New Team Possible Christmas Story!

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Thou Shall Not Wear Leggings as Pants says who?

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If wearing Leggings is wrong I don’t want to be right😳….

It’s that time of year where women get on their Blogs, Facebook, Twitter on Pinterest and where ever it can be heard by others and shout “Leggings aren’t pants”. I wanna shout who cares ?
Is there another topic that women have to face than a debate about leggings?
What about oh heck I ain’t falling for that and saying what about ?
Know why, because that’s just giving my opinion where it’s not wanted…that’s just joining those with high esteem and with the greater than thou attitude …. Oh I am no Vera Wang but I have a lil fashion sense …. And I love leggings yes I do !!!

As one of my very wise fashion mentors would say to me, I in turn and say to you…
Insert name below …

Say! Sam Moon I am …
I like green leggings !
I do!! I like them Sam moon I am
And I would wear them in a boat!
And I would wear them with a coat
And I will wear them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good so good you see!

So I will wear them with boots & my sox.
And I will wear them and look like a fox.
And I will wear them with a long blouse.
And I will wear them around my house.
And I will wear them here and there.

Say! I will wear them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
green leggings and boots !
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam Moon I-am

Carry on …. Let the debate continue ….

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Brittany Gave Up Hope on November 2, 2014 – I Will Never Give up Hope!

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I paused for just a little over 5 minutes and really listened to Brittany Maynard’s heart… It’s her last video 😭

I mean really listened and tried to put myself in her place as she spoke her heart.
Oh it’s gut wrenching to see her chose to take her life in her own hands and Give up Hope.
As she was speaking at one point my mind went back to the most painful time in my life just a few years ago where I actually said many times to God during a time where all my resources were gone, I was without a home, no income and alone. I was at times wanting to give up but I also wanted Hope.
I would come to a place many times in 11 months time where I just begged God to take me because I could not take the pain.
He didn’t and one by one everything I dreamed or Hoped of was gone.
There was something that God gave me during those times to keep me and it was HOPE.
He would shine a tiny bit down and I would have the strength to go another day.

Brittany seemed to me to be missing Hope.
I have a intimate relationship with the Hope Giver and that’s what kept me. That’s why I did not give up in my time of despair.
We cannot make other believe in Jesus, we cannot talk others into feeling what we feel or the reality of our experience with Christ and our Faith.
We can only share our lives, our truths, our faith and not force them with angry words to do what we believe is right.
We don’t have to shout at each other words of anger saying she is going to hell because we truly have no idea how God might have met her in her last moments.

If I could have said anything to Brittany it would have been don’t lose Hope … Don’t give up yet…
Don’t go laying down with a pill and die.
Go out messy, loud and fat if you have to but go out fighting don’t just quit before God moves.

I think sitting here now if I would have quit and gave up on my life … Look what I would be missing…
A love I would have never experienced …
No Paul & Doris …
No meeting the folks I have met …
I would never get to be what God designed me to be…

As a child of a father who ended his life when I was 13 and he was 32… I know about living the other side of someone’s suicide…

Brittany sounded like she thought she was making a sacrifice for her mom and husband but really she just began the grief a little sooner.

I seem to understand her choices and what she told herself was the right thing for her.
I cannot imagine the pain she felt and pray in the last minutes God who loves her so much reached down and pulled her into Him and she said yes to Jesus….

Never give up Hope … Keep fighting and keep going even if it hurts and it’s messy ….

Hopenotwasted

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Sleeping to escape… Bible journaling woke me up to my reality…

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This Picture I posted was just exactly how I survived dealing with life’s tragic events.
I have always been a girl who could sleep and when I fell into a deep depression it was like that for many years. Sleep was often a break for me from thoughts that filled my mind with guilt, regret and SHAME. After I began my life altering journey in 2010 where it was a life of finding Hope in God in a new way and relying on Him for everything and I mean everything! I sometimes would just sleep to escape but then other times I would battle the inability to sleep.

When life hurts, a war rages in your mind and your suddenly alone and you feel there is no one you can trust and your trapped in the darkness of Depression you sleep, heal, recover, grieve, rest and then one day it’s all gone. The pain is not in front of you, the mind stops racing with memories, you let go of the what if’s, why did’s and regrets.
You say Goodbye to the shame, guilt your just not welcome here anymore and you just tell your mind that the battle is finished.

You pick up a pencil, a paintbrush, some paper and fund the right glue. You grab some supplies, get a few paints, get the perfect stickers and you grab a bible, a piece of paper and you listen to God…

Maybe for the first time or maybe the first time in a long time and it’s clearly His voice actually speaking to you and not in a way that you ever thought you would hear him.

You begin to use Art to hear God’s HeART and it’s just got you and you begin a new journey and now you just can’t sleep. You want to wake up, you think about God more, shame less. You want to find the right bible and you crave more time with Him.

You stop turning on the tv during the day, you can listen to silence for the very first time in 46 years.
All of a sudden what dreams you had they are right in front of you, you realize that what your truly made to do is just Love God, Love yourself and then your free to Love others.

Oh it’s all so very clear…
Oh it’s so very freeing…
It’s not about what I can do great…
It’s not about my past…
It’s not about what has been done to me…
It’s all about Jesus and who He really is…

He’s forgiving … So I forgive … Starting with me…
He’s Loving … So I Love …. Starting with myself…
He’s merciful… So I share mercy… When I make a mistake…
He’s compassionate … So I give Compassion .. Starting with me…
He’s my provider … So I have faith …
He’s my peace… So I rest …
He’s the giver of Hope… So I find Hope..

He’s so much more and all you have to do is find Him for yourself…

It’s not about what church you go to, or even if you go to church…
It’s not about what you have done right or wrong…
It’s not about who hurt you…
It’s not about where you live, it’s not about how many times you have been married, divorced, or living with someone.
It’s not what color you are, what president you voted for,what denomination you are or if your just not sure if God exists it’s simply meeting Jesus and finding the truth out for yourself.

So now since I began my journey with a bible,a pen, a few stickers and a heart willing to just listen, learn and trust that the Holy Sprit of God would meet me right where I am, did I realize that all He wants is my willingness to just spend time with Him and a open heart, ears to hear him and a few supplies and together with God I will create a new life,my heart will heal and my life will turn into the beautiful piece of Art… Your will to …

My life has been messy so my art is messy, I find trash and turn them into treasures just like God did with me. I create outside the lines and not like anyone else and I am ok with not being like anyone else and that’s a gift of accepting myself for just who I am…

Oh life is good thanks to my Bible Journaling and how God used this simple act of Worship to help me wake up to the reality that I no longer need to sleep to escape … I need to wake up and seek Him in this new way…

Just as I am …

Every time I create a page He puts it right next to the other pieces of art in His Heart and He does not compare my outside the lines with your straight ones..

Doris Lynn Humplik

Hopenotwasted

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Somedays she’s just a mess 😭

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Somedays I am just a mess…

There are days and times I just cry and have no idea why; but the tears stream out of my eyes and pour down my face.

Not everything in my life is perfect and the lie we often tell ourselves is that if everything was perfect that we would be content. The truth is we must learn to be content when things are going wrong. I am content with my life even if I have broken relationships and sometimes have anxiety that appears out of nowhere and it leaves me feeling out of control.
I am 46 years old and I feel like I am an 18 year old girl trying to figure out what she’s is gonna be when she grows up. I have always loved being a homemaker and creating, decorating and organizing my space. I guess it comes from what I didn’t have as a child and what I wanted and part of that was the poor little girl who lived in a house that was filled with four smokers and the less than clean condition of my home. The roaches that crawled everywhere and rats that were a constant issue. I can hear the song “Fancy” in my head right now… As a roach crawled across the toe of my high heeled shoe🎶. That’s my story …. In a different version but sorta the same.

As a child my home was full of constant bickering, fighting, anger, abuse and often the adults around me were fighting over me. My grandparents and my parents would scream about a little girl who sat on her the green vinyl green couch and pulled on the duct tape that covered a hole. When conflict comes in my life I instantly go right back to that little girl and my insides are full of fear and I shake.
In my life I have at all costs avoided conflict and often took less than I deserve to avoid it, because there was just to much in my life as a child and in order for me to survive this world I cope by running away from conflict and I just can’t hardly stand hurting anyone, even if they deserve it. My next thought was “no one deserves to be hurt” see in my head there’s always a defense for everyone else but never myself. No wonder I cry suddenly because I am so tired of battling my own self in my mind that I am just plain tired.

For 3 years ago just 4 days before my first date with Paul and the very day we first sent a message on Facebook after our reunion, I sat in my car because the electricity was out where I was staying and it was August 14, 2011 and it was hot in a upstairs apt so I sat in my car with the air on and with tears in my eyes, I grabbed a flyer and wrote a prayer to God and asked him to send me a Hero, a Champion someone who could unlock my heart and help me feel love.
That night we sent our first message and 4 days later went on our first date then the rest is history and “Team Possible” began a new life together.

My husband listened to me, heard me and has done everything in his power to keep me safe from conflict and confusion. He is content to just love me and He says he feels like his calling in life and the purpose and plan God has for him is to Love Me. ❤️
I really feel blessed and Thankful after all my mishaps, mistakes and 3 prior marriages that ended in divorce and the pain I caused my three children in life, even though it was not intentional. I know I caused pain and I reap daily what I have sown good and bad in my life.
I am constantly amazed at the Mercy and Grace of God to me. He truly does give you the desires of your heart because He knows our hearts and knows our messy stories.
He gives us Hope in the dark times of our life and when we cry for no reason if we just ask him he will speak to us and comfort us as we cry.

Today I just put my fingers to the keyboard and see what comes out and today it’s a messy little bit of my life, painted with my tears and the overflow of a grateful heart.
God does allow U-turns and He will give you a peace even if everything is not perfect in your life. God’s Love is perfect but you just have to accept it and let Him in your heart.

Hope is never wasted if you place your Hope in God and your life is not wasted even if you made a wrong turn.

Doris Lynn Humplik – Hope Not Wasted

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Falling in Love at the Roller Rink and the Story of Us💗…

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💗The Story of Us💗

My eyes well up with tears when I even begin to think about the Grace and Mercy that God has given to Paul and I, we both have been married 3 times each. Two of my three marriages lasted less than a year and one was 18 years. His story is not exactly the same as far as details go but it’s truly just like mine. If you don’t know our little love story that was handwritten by God himself here’s the very short version.
Paul and I grew up in Houston, Texas on the “Northside” which is well known for being the hood. We lived 3 streets apart our whole childhood but I was 1 grade above him, 1 year 3 days older and I ran in a different crowd, I was friends with his older brother David who was a year older than me. We knew of each other and were Facebook friends who never interacted.
Life happens 3 marriages, 3 divorces and we meet approx 26 years later a group of
north-siders get together to have a reunion and we are both there by no doubt divine intervention and there is no doubt in our hearts. August 12, 2011 our lives come face to face with God’s divine plan for our lives. I am with my childhood friends in a place that brought me great joy and peace in my life and I am skating around with my pink camera shooting pictures seeing folks I have not seen in 26 years. I roller skate right up to Paul and scream ” Paul Humplik” and we chit chat I ask if he’s gonna skate he says no and I snap a picture of him with his daughter and skate off. I look up in a little bit he’s on skates, I smile a little smile take a picture and go on.
This was Friday night, then Sunday night I was sitting in my car outside where I was living because the electricity went out and air conditioner was needed. I was in a broken place in my life and just desperate for God to help me. I was very close to God and I was in a place of its me & God and that’s all I needed or trusted in my life.

I grabbed a random flyer that was in my car and wrote a prayer to God asking him to help me to send me a Hero, a Champion someone who would love me for me. I was tired and for 10 months had basically been 100 percent dependent on God to provide for me.
So I write this note pray, cry and the lights come on and I go in and fire up my computer and upload pictures to Facebook and begin tagging and sending them to my Facebook friends who I saw Friday night. I send Paul the ones I took of him and that connected us. We began to text over the next few days and decide to go out to dinner on Thursday August 18, 2011 and the rest is a love story written by God himself. In the weeks to come Team Possible was born and on October 18, 2013 we were United in Marriage in West Monroe, La underneath the October sky at 7 pm, by ministers of the gospel who we had gotten to know as we attended White Ferry Road Church.
Two unlikely people who knew all the same people, understood where we came from, felt the rejection from those who were placed by God to love you, the sting of being misunderstood and failure in marriages but a Hope that one day we could let our guard down and let our hearts find the Love we were meant to have. Was it love at first site? No I don’t think that but I know there was a connection at first sight and by all accounts we should not be the two that would work. We had two very different lives before that night in August but yet there were the same. We have been a easy kinda thing, we don’t fight and we don’t fuss. The funny thing is who we were before us left when we met each other, or just maybe we were right where we were suppose to be. We are not proud to say this is our fourth marriage but I can say that this is a marriage designed by God and it’s in order as it should be. We love our roles as God set them in place and a little old fashioned I guess. I respect Paul and he honors me, because God is number one in our lives and then each other and everyone else is after that. How can you say that Doris? Our children are older and gone so that parent roll is not over but they have began their own happily ever afters as they so choose and that leaves us. Our lives together our new start and how awesome for us to be just like young Newlyweds who are on a journey together to find Gods plan for us but we are in older and tired bodies. The excitement we would have in our twenties we have now. The past is the past the pains are gone and we have moved on and when I look at Paul in his big blue eyes I only know the Love we have and I have forgotten anyone who was ever in my life before. He’s the same and everyday we live it like its our last because at 45 & 46 the end is just around the corner.
Happily ever after can come but you can’t make it come to you by your own doing.
You have to put God as your first and he will add the second to it. It works so much better if you Allow him to bring to you the one who your heart will really love and not someone who will fill the bed next to you. If your married and wishing this was something you could have in your life then roll over and look at the one you made the bond, contract or signed the marriage license with and work on that one. Trust me & Paul know well the pain of divorce and just because it happened for us this way does not mean ending your marriage that God will then give you your hero or champion, because it does not work that way. Our marriage is to give Hope to those who are alone and wanting what we have. Hope that one day in-spite of all that you have been through that God can bring you the one your heart can love if and only if you Cry out to Him and put Him first❤️. God is a loving God and He does not want us to be alone.
He wants to bring you Hope and a best friend, so together you can show the world that God is a merciful, forgiving and Loving God ….

Place your Hope in God and it will not be wasted….

That’s part of our story and we are sticking to it…

Paul & Doris Humplik
Team Possible
Living & Living our Gypsy life ❤️

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