It’s another holiday we celebrate one day a year;that I dread.
It’s the overwhelming reminder to me of what’s missing from my life. I had a father in the flesh for just 13 years of my life.
He was a good father to me and he truly loved me and gave me attention, affection and he thought I was great. He ended his life when I was 13 years old…
My memories are few actually most of them were of loud music,time we spent together at the San Jacinto Monument and at Lake Houston or the countless visits to him in the Mental Hospital.
He loved me no doubt and he taught me to get on my knees and pray the Lord’s Prayer and he would say to me many many times “Doris do unto others; as you would have them to you”. When someone would hurt my feelings, or I was being bullied and beat up by neighborhood girls on a regular basis as I waited for the school bus. He would say don’t fight them back, you have to just turn the other cheek to them, don’t treat others the way they treat you, just forgive them when they hurt you. I have done that my whole entire life. I have lived a life that would honor the man who struggled my whole life to be normal.
He was the kindest man, gentle in spirit and he was faithful to his wife and when he was in your presence, you were important. There was only a radio playing, music and words to be heard.
Although I have many great stories in just the 13 years I had him in my life there are very sad ones also. He struggled with regularly being mistreated by others in his own family and his wife.
He endured the abuse and anger from a brother who had demons and they often came out towards him. I can’t tell you the countless times I was in a room when my fathers brother would attack my father, screaming shouting and throwing things at him and I was 3-4 years old and I even became a victim of a argument between them. I was sleeping on the couch and my uncle threw a glass ketchup bottle at my father and at that very moment that I woke up, sat up that the bottle and my little head collided and the glass bottle hit my little head and broke.
What happened? My dad turned the other cheek and extended forgiveness to his brother. Do unto others Little Doris.
This man endured any years of violence from the brother he was the closest to, I remember being around 3-4 years old same time frame and I was sitting in the front seat with my daddy and this same angry uncle climbed on the hood of our car and busted the windshield out with both of his fists. What did my father do? Turned the other cheek replaced another windshield that this same uncle had shattered a short time before.
My father was a man who endured great torment in his life by people he loved and dealt with great betrayal in his life. He always forgave them. He was in my eyes a man of great strength even though to many he was weak. He loved one woman and accepted her betrayal, unfaithfulness, her mental disability and rejection of him.
My father was creative and funny… He always had a cigarette in his hand and a coffee cup in the other. He loved working with his hands and playing music loud.
He battled schizophrenia for most of my childhood, and I went to live with my mothers parents at 8 years old, they gained full custody of me. . The funny thing was my parents grew up on the same street and the rest of my family lived on the next street over so I was walking distance from everyone. It was around 10 years old when my father was very sick and my grandmother would forbid me from seeing my dad because of his mental illness. It’s then that I began sneaking to see my father. I loved him and accepted him I needed him in my life and I was not going to be stopped from being with him.
He would never hurt me… He loved me… I was his girl…
The day my father took the gun and placed it to his head and shot himself and ended his life was the day Love died for me. I would never again feel the Love of a father nor would I ever truly experience it again until The day I met my Heavenly Father…
I was lost and needed love that would fill me up my empty heart.
In 1993 when I surrendered my heart to Jesus and accepted him as my savior, that’s when I really began to understand what love really is.
It has not been an instant kinda understanding but a journey in accepting love and understanding the difference between authentic love and the thing that masquerades as love.
Understanding what love truly is and figuring out that love is not a feeling.
Love Commits….
Love is patient…
Love is Kind…
Love is Present…
Love is Words…
Love Listens…
Love Forgives…
Love Remembers you…
Love is helping someone clean the broken bottle up and wipe the blood off your 3 year old head and saying I am sorry that happened to you.
Love is the strength in a struggle but never losing hope that things will change for the better.
Love is when others are hurting and mistreating you and even rejecting you; you turn the other cheek.
My daddy was so much like Jesus that it’s amazing. They both were misunderstood, rejected and forgave freely and never sought revenge. They took the ridicule with a grain of salt and turned the other cheek.
This Father’s Day I will not celebrate with my daddy because
his life ended way to soon.
In those few years I had with him I was given love and someone I can look back at his life and say that’s truly why I am the way I am and no longer be ashamed of being a non-confrontational type of person, forgiving and compassionate to others who gets up after she’s been knocked down. He was a great father and even with all he had to endure in his 33 years on earth he lived his life with a heart like Jesus.
He always treated others how he wanted to be treated, turned the other cheek when someone attacked him and never speaking a evil word towards anyone. He forgave everyone freely and forgot the wrongs done against him.
He reminds me of someone else who did the same thing and was often misunderstood and He lived a life of purity, compassion and treating others as He wanted to be treated never speaking evil and died at the young age of 33. They both were tortured and beaten down mentally and physically, they did not die the same way but they both spoke to my heart the same message …. Doris Forgive them they know not what they do.
My father taught me to live my life just like Jesus did…
My Jesus teaches me to live my life just like my daddy did.
Interesting to me is that my wedding song chosen by my husband just 8 months ago was “Loves me Like Jesus does”.
I know without a doubt that my husband is a gift to me from heaven above… He treats me just like My daddy did and just how Jesus does because He’s not Dead….
Today I am thankful to have Love in my life…
The Love that I receive from Jesus…
The memory of the love of my daddy….
The present Love of my husband Paul…
Today I will not be sad at what’s missing but be grateful 🙏 for who is present❤️.
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Doris Lynn Humplik 