I Am Not Broken

I Am Not Broken

Last night on the drive home Paul and I were having one of those Doris talks we have.
I was talking, pondering and telling stories about how I am always trying to fix what’s wrong with me. The life long process I have been in since becoming a Christian.
I acknowledge and focus on my imperfections then attempt to fix said issue and to ask God to fix that imperfection. Maybe I just try to change it myself who knows.

Paul has been telling me for a very long time to Stop putting myself down when I am telling my stories, writing or talking about myself. “Doris don’t talk about yourself so negatively”. I say in reply to that “It’s a joke”.
It’ not funny when your using sarcasm on yourself and putting yourself down. I have done that for so long that I don’t even realize that I am doing it.
I once told Paul I do it because if I put myself down before you do then it will not hurt me. As I write this all out it’s sort of sad!

Our conversation was deep last night as it often is, it went back to me always trying to fix my flaws and how I am always working on changing things about myself in order to make my life count and to be a better person.

After recounting for the millionth time why I can’t find peace in an area of my life I said ” What if I just stopped trying to fix me? What if I was just me? I teared up and said ” What if I was really me and I stopped trying to repair those places that need to be fixed in my life”? What if I run you off, by being myself?

Paul said simply ” What if you just realized that you are not Broken”? Stop trying to fix yourself and just be you.

Wow the wisdom this man has and in a simple way. He knows me,watches me and listens to me very intently.
He really loves me so much… I really respect him and listen carefully to the words he speaks because he truly wants the best for me. He never try’s to change my flaws he accepts me. I am the worn out always trying to fix me girl.

He just loves me; the broken girl that I thought that I was.
In his eyes I am whole, perfect and complete.
It’s my own thoughts that hinder me.
Condemnation often takes over my mind and my heart.
I try to adjust to get others to love me and not reject me because I know me! I am guessing that it must be as exhausting for Paul to be with a girl who focuses on her every failed attitude or thought.

This girl loves so many things about herself and when I am truly me, I love me!!!
I come alive telling my stories but… I hold her back…
She comes out sometimes …

So what if I was just me? I will guess things might be the same around me … People who are out of my life will not return. Those who are angry will still be angry…
They can’t see the change in me anyway so why am I hiding myself?

What have you wrestled with? What if you let go of trying to fix what you think is broken?
Maybe you need to accept your just fine the way you are.

Just relax…
Be who you are…
Say what you need to say freely…
Stop worrying about others…
Ask God if he accepts you…
Love yourself just as you are…

What if I accepted that I am not Broken?


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