I woke up this morning with Paul and watched yesterday’s Dr. Phil like I do every morning and fell asleep only to wake with the riots on the screen. Honestly I do not watch any news, and not much tv at all. Facebook seems to be my newsfeed.
I watched the riots and begin to think of a Talk I have given back years ago to a group of women and then a shorter version later to hundreds in Africa & a few years later in India to a group of pastors & church members at a conference!
It was on “Changing the World” I always thought it was a the best thing I had ever written because it was guided by The Lord.
My quote was this one by Norman Vincent Peale- ” Change your thoughts and you Change your World”
When I wrote this talk I was a stay at home mom who wanted to Change the World!
I began in my home by creating a home different than I was raised!
I overdid it a bit but none the less I change the world for my children!
I was protecting my kids from what I was not protected from.
I did not drink, cuss and watch things that were over PG… I tried to live what I was teaching them!
I set the bar high!
I reached out to people As I went through life.
I joked my ministry would be As you go ministries … As you go to work, school, PTA, church or the grocery store you touch the lives of others.
I lived that way for a long time and people in church made little comments about how crazy it was that I picked strangers off the side of the road put them (women & children) in my mini-van and volunteered to take them to school to keep them from walking in the crazy Texas weather. I was all about people and compassion.
I volunteered for what others would not do. I wanted to give back and make a difference!
I was criticized and judged for leaving two children and a husband to go to third world countries and touch maybe one person. I invited strangers to my house I never met for thanksgiving from Mississippi that I met online because they needed a home to eat in!
One person at a time!
The person was me that changed and in time the change became bitterness towards those in my church. I felt misunderstood and often judged because of how I did things.
I changed and stopped doing anything with church and my world changed.
I learned to not trust and be open.
Only when I gave r
to people did I feel accepted.
So I stopped…
The change began with me… My world changed..
I have always been a girl who can fit anywhere and in any group.
I have never had connections that were so deep they could not be lost.
I never felt I was important to anyone … My own struggle from birth…
I went through a divorce after years of trying to fix the marriage by fixing me- counseling for 10 plus years feeling like if I just changed every part of my self that was not right that one day someone would truly love and accept me!
I held a shield up and knocked love back if it came near because as bad as I wanted it I was scared of it.
No mother had loved me so if she rejects you then truly no one can truly love you for you ! That’s what I learned … Oh I forgave her and understand why she couldn’t love me.
I never much liked myself for 43 years at least … Once I was broken and laying in a bed for a year isolated in a small town only being loved by God & through Paul did I finally see that I am loved. I posted on Facebook and often removed the painful posts and I unfriended hundreds who I was connected to and I healed…
Change truly begins first in us.
I still battle many things – like stepping out in what makes my heart happy because I feel like if I truly showed just how much I know or how confidant I really am in what I know that I will repel folks!
The truth is I dumb down what I know and play a little weak girl when the truth is I am strong, independent and if tomorrow I lose all that I have … I will make it! Because I have a relationship with God and He loves me. I have reaped many things in my life … Bad decisions I have made left me reaping things.
The good news is that redemption comes when you let God have the rest of your life.
So how did this go from riots to me being real? That I
Am not really sure about but when I just write from the heart, I am as surprised as anyone what’s in there.
She’s going to seek peace in a world that is filled with anger, hate, prejudice and discord.
She’s gonna love people how they are, whatever they believe and just be who she is!
She will live her truth and be a faithful wife and homemaker and not worry when people don’t understand why she is not at work.
She has a full time job! Loving my husband and being the best Doris she can be!
She’s reaping what she’s sown and living a life she always dreamed she would!
Peace begins with me and she’s keeping the tv off!
How are you finding peace?
Are you being the person that you truly want to be?
It’s never to late to begin again!
If it is possible, as far as it depends on
you, live at peace with everyone.