She wonders why women don’t take a stand, make a point to stand up for each other more? Why is it ok to go watch a movie that is filled with abuse. Oh come on Doris are you serious it’s no different than watching what’s on tv. In the ends they get married and have two children.
Oh I see !!! If it was your 18 year old daughter who was being groomed and basically raped, controlled and hurt emotionally – oh but it’s sexy and this is Love ! Oh I see Love!! Love !!!
What’s Love got to do with 50 shades of Grey?
It was 5 years ago that I was in a similar marriage and daily mentally tortured by my husband – only married 11months when I escaped.
I paid a huge price and just talking about him and it gives me anxiety!
I am about to relocate within miles of him tomorrow.
That’s all good – side story.
One day I got a very brave email from a very close and true friend that said I can’t accept your calls anymore because your staying and you will not leave, I can’t listen to you cry one more day.
The truth in her words woke me up
& it was then that I made a plan and made a way out.
Many knew what I lived in, many said wake up and yet his control held me in fear, he tortured me and enjoyed it!
It’s been a battle to get back the Doris I used to be!

Now many of you are going to pay money to get turned on to something that was my life and erotic it was not.
Talk to a victim of domestic violence, rape or sexual abuse and ask them about pretending they are all right and the lies they tell them selves! He Loves me! It’s control… It’s so many things.
My friends watched it for free and grieved at what I was living in!

This is not to condemn or judge you but to glamorize abuse and call it a movie makes me sick and that women are getting turned on by it, call it love and pay money to go see a great love story on Valentines day. Ask my very close Friend Debbie that’s raising her grandchildren after their mother was killed two years ago by her Christian Grey, ask her if Hollies love story ended with Love or if she’s being visited in a place that her broken body is resting.

Everyday this love story is on the evening news- sexual abuse, rape, sex trafficking and domestic violence and I can’t even watch it because I suffer from PTSD and one word of this gives me anxiety and triggers my fears.

I’ve heard if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.

What if we just thought about the bigger picture instead of wasting 2 hours getting turned on by a hidden lie that abuse is love and it’s romance.

I live romance now and it’s sexy, it’s the first time in my life I have felt safe in my entire life! I grew up in this very same life as a child same environment.

Well Doris that’s you !
Yes it is me but what if one day something happens to you that’s tragic and I make light of it?
What if I justify it by saying hey you know what, regardless of my beliefs, desire or opinion I think I will redirect my view a bit and look at a bigger picture not the desire to see man get turned on my humiliating a woman.
I was so humiliated in my life from sexual abuse as early as 3-4 years old and raped on the ground behind a skating rink and attacked by more than one person I was married to in anger that I clearly see the whole picture with open eyes… Doris you did not read the book!
Oh I tried first 6-7 chapters in 2012 to see what my married Christian friends were raving about on Facebook !
I cried the whole time reading it to Paul at night after making it through a chapter! I tore that book up and said nope I lived this I don’t need to read it…
Listen girls I love you and to not share this would just be very wrong…

If you want a real love story I am living it right now and it’s a page turner for me and Paul’s support has healed me but I still struggle with issues from
A life that few survive and he is patient and kind ….
Wipes the tears away and helps me feel safe for the first time …

Read my book “1 Shade of White”
It’s written daily on Facebook …

If you chose to go see it your free to and I still love you but please don’t stop loving me for sharing my story.

My Truth💔

Doris Lynn Humplik
Hopenotwasted

Have you ever had a book or a movie that just spoke to you? A book that was turned into a movie would be better right!
What happens if you read the book and watch the movie then wake up one day and realize that your on a similar path as the person who wrote the book, details are not exact but yet the struggle is the same really.
For me that book/movie would be Eat, Pray, Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I remember after the movie came out my friend Beth and I went to church that morning and went to lunch and to see the movie. Can I just say it was one of those moments that no doubt God was speaking to my heart that my life long search for Love was about to soon begin. Loving God & myself is where true love is found.

I had been married to a man for less than 6 months that I knew was no doubt a mistake, out of the will of God for my life and that my fear of being alone placed me with a man who would literally push me to the edge of insanity and if I did not flee, I was at risk of losing my life.

This movie became apart of my daily watch as I left and began my own little journey that I call “Pray, Hope, Create”.
In December 2010 three weeks before the first wedding anniversary I loaded my brand new 2010 Ford Escape and ironically did just that- escaped.

At this point in my life my children were grown pretty much and I don’t have family and basically it was just a part of God’s plan for my life to just be alone.
I was 42 years old, no career, no place to go and what I had was in my car or in a storage or two. I began a journey of discovering who God was really!
I had a close relationship with Him for well over 15 years and somehow I was in the wilderness and I knew He was there by me but He was silent.
I knew He was still working in my life and somehow knew it was going to be hard but I was going to need to just walk slowly in this season of my life.

I began a journey of being without a home and lived on a Hope that could only be given to me by God himself. Hope kept me alive when I wanted to curl up and die.
Hope that kept me warm in a house that someone let me stay in without heat and it was in the 20’s outside and for a Texas girl that’s cold. Oh and no television and Internet connection and limited cell coverage. I had my art, crafts, paper, pen and bible. I lasted there for a few weeks and off to my next location.
If you have seen the movie you know she goes from country to country – place to place for a little while. On a journey of self- discovery and her search for God. So I called this time in my life – my mini Eat, Pray, Love experience.
Only it was Pray, Hope and Create!

Through tear filled eyes and with a broken spirit that from a life of abuses, injustice and choices, along with the things in my life I never truly dealt with I began my journey with God and it would take me on an adventure that would lead me to having a greater relationship with Him, a freedom to leave when I wanted to leave someplace, I learned that I must love God first then truly get to know myself and like the person I am.
It’s been a interesting journey from 2009 until today but what I have learned is that there’s no other person on this earth who can truly complete you, there is no one who can fill the void in your life, who can supply your needs.
I know that I was alone, no money, no savings, no full time job, no home, no solid support (although God used many folks) I had to totally say in Prayer “Ok It’s me & You God, if you want me to make it, You have to provide.

He did just that and it was a humbling, hard, lonely adventure that I went on, but the end result was I found Hope in Christ that was undeniable and it happened over and over again.
I prayed that prayer it’s me and you God if I am gonna make it you do it, I found Hope that was so big that I began to grow a few feathers on my broken wings, I began to create the life I wanted to live by learning who I am and giving up caring what other people think and trying to please everyone at the cost of who I am.
I cried more tears than you can imagine, I looked a little crazy, thought I was going insane,I gave up control of my life, heard God clearly and learned that I can trust God to order my steps. I found true love on that very broken run way . I spent a few years Isolated,healing and regrowing my feathers. I have been running down the run way for the last year and a half getting to the edge of take off and stopping just before I take flight, it’s out of fear of falling instead of soaring. This past Monday I was doing my art bible journaling and documenting my faith and our word prompt this month is Believe and I played the song “ I believe I can fly” I cried and cried because I think that is where I am right now! Running to the edge and stopping with my fear of flying…..

How about you, do you have a fear of something?
What’s holding you back?

Ask God to help you with the fear and lets jump together and see how high we can fly!

BELIEVE

I believe I can fly !!!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Updating Is happening

It was a couple of weeks ago when Paul and I were having a conversation about what we were meant to do with our life, our purpose, calling and my wrestling with my needing to find what I am meant to do at this season in my life.

I am not one who can just live life without meaning and I think that’s how I have survived my life. Finding something more out of tragic events, mistakes, injustice, wrong turns and the horrific things that I have had happen in my life and some wrong turns. I always think that God can somehow use it and use me in turn so that helps me fight off the part of me that will wallow in self-pity and become overwhelmed with despair.

So I am struggling with what I am gonna be now that I am grown up, kids all live far away and I can’t just go through a day without finding meaning or HOPE.
Paul says to me “ what if your doing what your meant to do Doris?”.
I busted into tears at the thought. Is he saying this is it? As if what I do is not important because there’s just he & I. I had a anxiety attack and in that moment just felt despair come over me.
This is it, I thought to myself, just day to day living in four walls, doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking supper, grocery store, shopping, creating journal pages, collecting junk , talking to people on Facebook and dreaming? That’s it? Really ?

Then Paul said to me and this was not the first time he said these exact words to me.
He said “ My Purpose and my calling is to love and protect you that’s what I am meant to do, and it’s a pleasure”.

My mind goes back to my journal scribble- prayer to God on a scrap piece of paper the night I sat in my car crying, alone and writing a prayer to God and begging him to sent me a Hero and a Champion- then just two days after my first meeting with Paul at the skating rink where we went as children we meet. I am sitting alone in my car crying. I write my prayer and go inside get on Facebook and shared pictures with Paul of his daughter and him that I took and the rest is a dream come true, a simple tear feeler prayer answered.

From our second date until today almost 4 years later he has continued to be my hero and champion. He rescued me & I rescued him because God knew that we were the ones who could meet the needs of the other.
A girl holding tightly to Hope Not Wasted and fighting off despair and a guy who was ready to have a someone see him for who he really was and respect him.

So my husband says I am his purpose, and I still wrestle with more…
He has a wonderful career and I follow him eagerly as we go from project to project and know that our home is where we are together and I am accepting of that and do not mind it much.
I am a tad spoiled and he says it to me all the time, his girl gets what she wants.
What does she really want is the question?

Do not get me wrong … My relationship with God is first and Paul is second and it may look like its out of order but trust me God is in my heart and he guides me daily but there are moments where I can get out of line. If my children were home they would be next and everything else after that. My children are grown and I raised them to have independent lives and they are doing what young adults do. So what’s next for me?

Dreaming with my eyes wide open and resting in the fact that if my only purpose is to love my God, love and adore my husband and Facebook with my friends, pray, encourage others as I go through life then I am just fine with that.
I still feel deep inside there’s more … She’s 46 and she believes she can share the Hope she found in her hopeless place and help someone else.

So is she a just a wife, mother, writer, artist, decorator, friend, prayer warrior, encourager, treasurer hunter, thrift shopper, and all around goof ball who’s often misunderstood and is a emotional girl and loves Jesus with her whole heart well she’s ok with it.

But I feel there’s just a lil more for me…

What about you?

What are you meant to do?

Are you feeling like there’s a dream in you?

Are you like me & wrestling with a dream that’s not clear?

In 2015 let’s be brave enough to move towards those dreams together because I think together we can see them come true!

Dreaming with my eyes wide open!

Hope in Christ and your Hope will Not be Wasted.

2014 was a great year for me as far as healing goes and gaining strength inside from being broken and wounded and having Jesus apply His super healing super glue on my broken places. I began last January to seek out old dreams and I began to discover what I was meant to do.

So I started with Nashville at the end of January, after raising my hand and saying Yes I would love to join Karen Kingsbury as she films The Family of Jesus with just a few other women.
This was after going to Austin 6 months prior and joining Jennie Allen and her filming of Restless.

I was getting my grove back and being brave enough to think just maybe God could use this girl again! A girl who walked with Him and trusted Him and yet messed up by divorcing after 18 years of marriage only to marry someone to fast who nearly broke what was left of her fragile spirit and heart.
Failure, guilt, shame, rejection,fear,abandonment, humiliation and every feeling of despair was on my back and I carried it as far as I could and I decided in December 2010 that I could no longer carry it so I loaded my 2010 Ford Escape and drove off into a world that I just did not fit in, but I was not alone.
God the father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit the three in one was with me.
It all got real for me and He was all I felt that I had. I was so broken that ….

Back to my story…. To much Backstory to tell …

So Then after Nashville I began to dream again…
Writer 📖 I am a writer again… See once upon a time long ago in a land a few hours away, I was writing, getting published a little, seeking all things writing and speaking. Then it happened … It all fell apart… Life happened, depression set in and despair became a heavy weight…
Back to the story of last year, so Nashville then I am brave enough to sign up for “She Speaks with Lysa Terkeust and Proverbs 31 ministries and schedule meeting with two publishers.
In the stress of preparing I decide to attend a writers conference in Colorado in May to prepare, get my feet wet before I go to the big one!
Long story Short I spent most of the time alone and did not really want to connect because that’s just where I was at the time but I had two meetings there with a editor, writer super hero kinda guy who actually is Hope & Humor and he’s a man with great wisdom and then I met with a author, speaker, writer, singer & awesome person who I did not know who actually helped me so much by extending my meeting because she loved me so much and we connected.
I left there feeling I don’t know what because of a family situation that unfolded with a family member on the last night and extended out from may until July and I was not really as ready as I needed to be for July for meeting with Zondervan & Thomas Nelson or so I thought.
Long story short it was a awesome conference but something still was not right with me & writing a book. Thomas Nelson wanted a proposal and I should have been excited to write it.

Secretly I have a hidden or not hidden attraction to art, scrapbooking, supplies and crafts.
For years … I buy and dabble a lil… Just a little …
August I sell it all thousands of dollars for pennies to focus on writing and I feel alright with it.
Then God places in my path Journaling bible group… I resisted the Fad I thought tossed it around and then joined the group, it has changed my life, dreams, passions and my whole prayer life and confidence. So guess who started buying crafts, creating and discovering who she really is and wow…. When you are doing what you are passionate about it truly is freedom, I have met so many great women, changed the direction of my dreams, pray more, love more, see people more, I am living my life in a way where I don’t care what the world says about me.
I block out any guilt, shame or negative voices and I have let go of the past and when I look in the mirror I like what I see… Ok sometimes not so much but you know what I mean.
I write with freedom although not as much on my own Facebook or blog as much as in my groups. With other like minded women who are just like me who give me the freedom to say what’s in my heart. They are surrounding my life and I am interacting with people who I never met but I am so connected to. In April I am flying to California to join some in a small retreat with oh my gosh real artists. Like the ones you see at Michael’s, Hobby Lobby and Joanne’s. They are the women who are the artists but I get to somehow take what I am meant to do and meet with them and retreat to create with the creator and I am very excited about it.

This morning I realized that I am a writer, artist, creative decorator, I love paper and stickers,glue, paint, finding lost treasures and trash others toss aside, helping others, praying and HOPE but mostly the Creator is who I really Love and cannot live without!
I am still on my path to finding out what Hope Not Wasted will become but I know I am on the edge of the cliff and I am ready to jump off into the Brave New World of Creating, writing and following the dream written in my heart by God… It’s all about him anyway….

What are you dreaming? What’s burning inside you? Ask God to come in and shine his light on the path he has for you to walk, that’s what I am gonna do.

Writing my vision down after this post ….

Habakkuk 2 says

Write the vision and make it plain on tablets ….

I have been away from Groves and Southeast Texas for 4 years this month and this is where my children Chase & Rhea were raised since they were 2 and 4 years old so this place is Home more so than anywhere else I have lived. I have wonderful friends there the best memories and it was a great place to raise my children.
Yet after the struggles of two back to back divorces … It was within 16 months time frame … One marriage of 18 years and one of 11 months it left me humiliated and frozen and “no I did not want to build a snow man”.
I decided just a few months ago approx August that I was going to just “Let it go” yes I am going there so get ready…
It’s been a year of Letting Go-
I built a kingdom of isolation and yes I was the Queen!
The wind was howling, swirling and it was a storm inside. I couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried!

So I have spent 42 of my 46 years saying Don’t let them in, Don’t let them see.
Since I was saved in 1993 I began to try and break free from a traumatic childhood and I hide the pain because in Jesus name I was healed … Right that’s what Good Christian girls say!

So I said to myself “Don’t let them in, Don’t let them see
be the Good girl you always have to be, conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know !

Ha then 2005 depression and repressed childhood issues and triggers came and I began to have an emotional breakdown and all the time I was fighting to keep it all in tact and counsel through it all…

Well, now they all know the whole world knows!
Humiliation and defeat happened and 4 years ago I loaded my White Ford Escape and I Let that community go… I let it all go…
I turned away and slam the door.
I don’t care What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on, the Cold never bothered me anyway!

The wrong people payed for my lifetime of trauma after trauma that I just keep on keeping on with.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small and the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all.

So my friend Debbie Lawson asks me two months ago to come and do my magic… She has a beautiful historic old house that she & her
husband Mark have lived in a couple of years and she said at Christmas time I always think it needs some of your unique way of creating something in a junking kinda funky way.
So for two months I have shopped in Goodwills, thrift stores and played around in my own little goodie stash to find treasures for my friend.
I will be back to my “Let it Go”song in a bit.
There have only been a few people in my entire life that I can fully connect with and I mean just know that no matter what I say or how I act they really really get me. Debbie is one of those people.
She and I have been connected since our boys started Kindergarten. We connected on a deep level and during our friendship we walked together through many tragic things, trials, marriage issues, wayward children, church struggles, many road trips and she attended my brothers funeral with me and struggled through the trials of a girl who struggled within herself to be a mom she never had.
So her asking me to do this after I distanced myself was a coming home for me.

Back to Let it go –

So this year I have been on a journey of bringing Doris back- a girl who has hidden behind her Facebook for 5 years …

It’s time to test the limits and see what I can do…

So she drags Kim Shaw with her to The filming of Karen Kingsbury’s bible study in Nashville in January… Shes letting go…
We join membership at Woodlands church.
I begin to go to a local writers group the Woodlands, join a bible study with other women and respond in the group with things I know and little stories.
I slowly connect with people outside Facebook… Oh the pictures and selfies.
I fly to Colorado and go to the writers conf and connect with new friends and Donna Perry comes and stays the night.
I mend a relationship with Randy and Alba my niece Presleigh’s parents.. I go to She Speaks and drag poor Lyndell with me from BridgeCity.
I meet all kinds of cool people there that I admire like Jerry Jenkins, Lysa Terkhurst and oh like Christine Cain.
Meet with Zondervan and Thomas Nelson.
I slowly begin to rejoin the world this past year.
For my birthday I buy tickets and Virginia Wilder and I go see & meet Chonda Pierce front and center !!!

Then in August I sell thousands of dollars of Crafts and all of everything and let go of it all to then two weeks later, join an online group that simply was the kick I needed to bring me back out to being who I am!!!!
Oh the writing and vision changed and I began to read my bible in a new way.
I began to just let go of the regret, shame
and guilt I carried.
I let go of people … I unfriended, blocked and decided that if they are not for me then I let them go.

So it’s time to see what I can do… Test the limits and break through.

No right, No
wrong, No Rules for me I’m Free !!!
I am like the wind and Sky…
Let it go … Let it go… You’ll never see me cry!

Here I stand and here I’ll stay, let the storm rage on!

I am never going back the past is the past! Let it go…

Let it go and I’ll rise like the break of dawn let it go, let it go.. The perfect girl is gone!

Here I stand in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway!

So I the greatest gift of all this Let it go- kinda year is reconnecting to my youngest daughter Rhea and actually not hiding behind a wall of ice frozen but letting the ice melt away and being free to be mom again without hiding behind my guilt and shame…

If you have things you need to let go of, oh please do it as fast as you can…

Freedom awaits you and letting go is true freedom …
Ask God to help you … He’s so not who you think He is…
He’s so gracious and merciful…
Oh goodness in the 10 Months from 12-2010 until 08-2011 I was on my journey of Building the foundation of building Hope not Wasted and it was God, me & my Ford Escape, homeless and broken but God lead me to my husband and a new journey in my life and I can tell you God is not who the legalistic church folks say He is.
He’s a Holy God but He will meet you right in the midst of your pain, struggle, shame,guilt, your past, your sin or whatever your in the middle of. He is not a mean God.
I reaped what I sowed… Some things were bad but oh the good stuff I also reaped from all the years of good seeds planted…
Look at my last Name and look who I am married to and Look at how awesome our story is ….

We let it go ….

The cold never bothered us anyway…

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas just might have saved ours.

We are nearing our 4th Christmas together and my 6th Christmas without being in a home as a family unit with my children. About the same time frame for Paul.

We have half hearted walked into every Christmas season together. We have done the bare minimum to get through a season. He and I do not exchange gifts and on Christmas Day we just walk emotionless through whatever needs to be done.
If you were to ask us about Christmas before we were together, our eyes will light up with stories of our Children and things we would do to decorate, celebrate and give during the holiday season. Then there were divorces, distance and strains of life that happened in relationships and our Christmas spirit left. We never celebrate the day that separately we loved so much. Both of us coming from broken homes we tried with our children to recreate the day that we longed for as kids.
Then due to divorces it was all lost.

Then God divinely brings us together and we just don’t have the Christmas spirit, oh we have tried but not with our whole heart like before we became a couple. (Team Possible)

Then we go and watch Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas and it might have saved our future Christmas holidays. This movie brought me to tears and only because I had lost the desire to do my thing that I so loved and I resisted getting into the spirit, simply because I have no children in my home, Paul and I just don’t seem to fit anywhere. No mom & dad to go visit, no children to see because they are away from home through miles or in their hearts.
So we chose somehow without ever saying it to each other, have not given our whole heart in the season. We are the outsiders, the misfits and the couple who after starting life new just have no people to join with. No pity for us it’s just Me stating the facts because it’s the way it is for to many reasons to explain and we have each other and our great relationship and we have God as our foundation. – back to my lil Story…. This movie left us sitting in the theatre talking about what we had just learned and how we had not celebrated and started our own traditions alone. We need to put ourselves back into the Christmas Story that we want to write so we don’t remain that Guy in this story.

Today we actually decided we will for the first time decorate fully and celebrate this year with our whole heart. Santa is welcome to come hang out with the Humplik’s and with Christ because he’s the reason we celebrate this season. We actually celebrate all year long but after watching this movie and the insight on the meaning of swaddling clothes, the tree, ornaments, St. Nick, presents and the reminder of whole reason for Christmas we decided to get our pens out and write our New Team Possible Christmas Story!

If wearing Leggings is wrong I don’t want to be right😳….

It’s that time of year where women get on their Blogs, Facebook, Twitter on Pinterest and where ever it can be heard by others and shout “Leggings aren’t pants”. I wanna shout who cares ?
Is there another topic that women have to face than a debate about leggings?
What about oh heck I ain’t falling for that and saying what about ?
Know why, because that’s just giving my opinion where it’s not wanted…that’s just joining those with high esteem and with the greater than thou attitude …. Oh I am no Vera Wang but I have a lil fashion sense …. And I love leggings yes I do !!!

As one of my very wise fashion mentors would say to me, I in turn and say to you…
Insert name below …

Say! Sam Moon I am …
I like green leggings !
I do!! I like them Sam moon I am
And I would wear them in a boat!
And I would wear them with a coat
And I will wear them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good so good you see!

So I will wear them with boots & my sox.
And I will wear them and look like a fox.
And I will wear them with a long blouse.
And I will wear them around my house.
And I will wear them here and there.

Say! I will wear them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
green leggings and boots !
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam Moon I-am

Carry on …. Let the debate continue ….

I paused for just a little over 5 minutes and really listened to Brittany Maynard’s heart… It’s her last video 😭

I mean really listened and tried to put myself in her place as she spoke her heart.
Oh it’s gut wrenching to see her chose to take her life in her own hands and Give up Hope.
As she was speaking at one point my mind went back to the most painful time in my life just a few years ago where I actually said many times to God during a time where all my resources were gone, I was without a home, no income and alone. I was at times wanting to give up but I also wanted Hope.
I would come to a place many times in 11 months time where I just begged God to take me because I could not take the pain.
He didn’t and one by one everything I dreamed or Hoped of was gone.
There was something that God gave me during those times to keep me and it was HOPE.
He would shine a tiny bit down and I would have the strength to go another day.

Brittany seemed to me to be missing Hope.
I have a intimate relationship with the Hope Giver and that’s what kept me. That’s why I did not give up in my time of despair.
We cannot make other believe in Jesus, we cannot talk others into feeling what we feel or the reality of our experience with Christ and our Faith.
We can only share our lives, our truths, our faith and not force them with angry words to do what we believe is right.
We don’t have to shout at each other words of anger saying she is going to hell because we truly have no idea how God might have met her in her last moments.

If I could have said anything to Brittany it would have been don’t lose Hope … Don’t give up yet…
Don’t go laying down with a pill and die.
Go out messy, loud and fat if you have to but go out fighting don’t just quit before God moves.

I think sitting here now if I would have quit and gave up on my life … Look what I would be missing…
A love I would have never experienced …
No Paul & Doris …
No meeting the folks I have met …
I would never get to be what God designed me to be…

As a child of a father who ended his life when I was 13 and he was 32… I know about living the other side of someone’s suicide…

Brittany sounded like she thought she was making a sacrifice for her mom and husband but really she just began the grief a little sooner.

I seem to understand her choices and what she told herself was the right thing for her.
I cannot imagine the pain she felt and pray in the last minutes God who loves her so much reached down and pulled her into Him and she said yes to Jesus….

Never give up Hope … Keep fighting and keep going even if it hurts and it’s messy ….

Hopenotwasted

This Picture I posted was just exactly how I survived dealing with life’s tragic events.
I have always been a girl who could sleep and when I fell into a deep depression it was like that for many years. Sleep was often a break for me from thoughts that filled my mind with guilt, regret and SHAME. After I began my life altering journey in 2010 where it was a life of finding Hope in God in a new way and relying on Him for everything and I mean everything! I sometimes would just sleep to escape but then other times I would battle the inability to sleep.

When life hurts, a war rages in your mind and your suddenly alone and you feel there is no one you can trust and your trapped in the darkness of Depression you sleep, heal, recover, grieve, rest and then one day it’s all gone. The pain is not in front of you, the mind stops racing with memories, you let go of the what if’s, why did’s and regrets.
You say Goodbye to the shame, guilt your just not welcome here anymore and you just tell your mind that the battle is finished.

You pick up a pencil, a paintbrush, some paper and fund the right glue. You grab some supplies, get a few paints, get the perfect stickers and you grab a bible, a piece of paper and you listen to God…

Maybe for the first time or maybe the first time in a long time and it’s clearly His voice actually speaking to you and not in a way that you ever thought you would hear him.

You begin to use Art to hear God’s HeART and it’s just got you and you begin a new journey and now you just can’t sleep. You want to wake up, you think about God more, shame less. You want to find the right bible and you crave more time with Him.

You stop turning on the tv during the day, you can listen to silence for the very first time in 46 years.
All of a sudden what dreams you had they are right in front of you, you realize that what your truly made to do is just Love God, Love yourself and then your free to Love others.

Oh it’s all so very clear…
Oh it’s so very freeing…
It’s not about what I can do great…
It’s not about my past…
It’s not about what has been done to me…
It’s all about Jesus and who He really is…

He’s forgiving … So I forgive … Starting with me…
He’s Loving … So I Love …. Starting with myself…
He’s merciful… So I share mercy… When I make a mistake…
He’s compassionate … So I give Compassion .. Starting with me…
He’s my provider … So I have faith …
He’s my peace… So I rest …
He’s the giver of Hope… So I find Hope..

He’s so much more and all you have to do is find Him for yourself…

It’s not about what church you go to, or even if you go to church…
It’s not about what you have done right or wrong…
It’s not about who hurt you…
It’s not about where you live, it’s not about how many times you have been married, divorced, or living with someone.
It’s not what color you are, what president you voted for,what denomination you are or if your just not sure if God exists it’s simply meeting Jesus and finding the truth out for yourself.

So now since I began my journey with a bible,a pen, a few stickers and a heart willing to just listen, learn and trust that the Holy Sprit of God would meet me right where I am, did I realize that all He wants is my willingness to just spend time with Him and a open heart, ears to hear him and a few supplies and together with God I will create a new life,my heart will heal and my life will turn into the beautiful piece of Art… Your will to …

My life has been messy so my art is messy, I find trash and turn them into treasures just like God did with me. I create outside the lines and not like anyone else and I am ok with not being like anyone else and that’s a gift of accepting myself for just who I am…

Oh life is good thanks to my Bible Journaling and how God used this simple act of Worship to help me wake up to the reality that I no longer need to sleep to escape … I need to wake up and seek Him in this new way…

Just as I am …

Every time I create a page He puts it right next to the other pieces of art in His Heart and He does not compare my outside the lines with your straight ones..

Doris Lynn Humplik

Hopenotwasted