Category Archives: Real Life

My Story

Jun13

I Am Not Broken

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I Am Not Broken

Last night on the drive home Paul and I were having one of those Doris talks we have.
I was talking, pondering and telling stories about how I am always trying to fix what’s wrong with me. The life long process I have been in since becoming a Christian.
I acknowledge and focus on my imperfections then attempt to fix said issue and to ask God to fix that imperfection. Maybe I just try to change it myself who knows.

Paul has been telling me for a very long time to Stop putting myself down when I am telling my stories, writing or talking about myself. “Doris don’t talk about yourself so negatively”. I say in reply to that “It’s a joke”.
It’ not funny when your using sarcasm on yourself and putting yourself down. I have done that for so long that I don’t even realize that I am doing it.
I once told Paul I do it because if I put myself down before you do then it will not hurt me. As I write this all out it’s sort of sad!

Our conversation was deep last night as it often is, it went back to me always trying to fix my flaws and how I am always working on changing things about myself in order to make my life count and to be a better person.

After recounting for the millionth time why I can’t find peace in an area of my life I said ” What if I just stopped trying to fix me? What if I was just me? I teared up and said ” What if I was really me and I stopped trying to repair those places that need to be fixed in my life”? What if I run you off, by being myself?

Paul said simply ” What if you just realized that you are not Broken”? Stop trying to fix yourself and just be you.

Wow the wisdom this man has and in a simple way. He knows me,watches me and listens to me very intently.
He really loves me so much… I really respect him and listen carefully to the words he speaks because he truly wants the best for me. He never try’s to change my flaws he accepts me. I am the worn out always trying to fix me girl.

He just loves me; the broken girl that I thought that I was.
In his eyes I am whole, perfect and complete.
It’s my own thoughts that hinder me.
Condemnation often takes over my mind and my heart.
I try to adjust to get others to love me and not reject me because I know me! I am guessing that it must be as exhausting for Paul to be with a girl who focuses on her every failed attitude or thought.

This girl loves so many things about herself and when I am truly me, I love me!!!
I come alive telling my stories but… I hold her back…
She comes out sometimes …

So what if I was just me? I will guess things might be the same around me … People who are out of my life will not return. Those who are angry will still be angry…
They can’t see the change in me anyway so why am I hiding myself?

What have you wrestled with? What if you let go of trying to fix what you think is broken?
Maybe you need to accept your just fine the way you are.

Just relax…
Be who you are…
Say what you need to say freely…
Stop worrying about others…
Ask God if he accepts you…
Love yourself just as you are…
Accept…

What if I accepted that I am not Broken?

Jun5

Waiting is the Hardest Part

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Waiting is the Hardest Part

I don’t know about you but I really dislike waiting for things. When I was young I couldn’t wait to grow up and be an adult. So I married the first time at 16 years old. Someone should have forced me to wait but they didn’t.
When I had my children there were moments I wanted them to grow up past the waking up every two hours stage. I didn’t want to wait for it but it was not in my control so therefore I waited.
There are times when sitting in a waiting room with screaming kids all around me I want to run out because they are not my children.
There are times after shopping and placing things in my basket and I walk towards to checkout line that I look down and look at what I have and decide not to wait.
I was married for almost 18 years and I decided the changes were not going to happen so I stopped waiting and left.
I have given up on things because I was weary in waiting.

When Paul and I got together it was a whirlwind kinda love for us and we moved fast towards each other except for the thing that I wanted the most which was to get married to each other.
He made me wait, I laugh now because I understand the wisdom in waiting for it. He knew me and listened to me very well. He knew that I wanted to just do it and not wait.

He had been married 3 times before all to women who were pregnant and he knew about not waiting and doing things to quickly.
He meets me and I had been married 3 times also but I was not pregnant when I married any of them but I rushed into them all.
Two of those lasted less than a year and one almost 18 years but still I wanted to marry Paul and he knew that God was showing him to make her wait for it so one day she will understand.
I now understand why we waited, I understand waiting a little better.
We both wanted to do it differently than we had before, we wanted a minister and God at the center of this marriage. I was still ready to do it fast; like right now.

God sometimes delays things in our lives because He knows the future and if you believe in Him, then you know that He is in control of our every step but we have to wait on him and trust him to lead and guide us. He has a plan that we don’t really know anything about we just have to have that blind faith.

When Paul asked me to marry him it was in December of 2012 and there was no ring or fan fare just a little Taco Bell sauce package that said “will you marry me”? He grabbed the calendar and said October 24, 2013.
We had no idea that the next March we would begin a traveling journey and we would be traveling into the unknown for the next 7 months.
We lived in many places with his job assignments and one of the places was Arizona and we were very close to Las Vegas and I desperately wanted to drive over 5 hours and get married but Paul insisted we were going to wait. He was not going to get married to me while we were living in a hotel. He wanted a minister and for us to be in a house.

I think God was really speaking to his heart because we got the call to go to West Monroe, Louisiana. We had no idea that God was about make it all worth the wait. He was going to allow us to live in a beautiful home, meet great people, be apart of an awesome church with a bunch of Duck Hunters that are famous for their beards.
We would have a beautiful home to have our wedding and ministers to marry us and surrounded by new friends and even family who crashed the wedding and a friend of mine who drove hours to join me.

I learned that delays are sometimes for the better, that my impatience often has gotten me into making decisions that are not the best that God has for me. Sometimes I need to just “Wait for it” as my husband would say.

What are you waiting for that your tired of waiting for?

I want to encourage you to ask God to help you wait for His best for you. If it’s A job, a relationship, a marriage an ending of a relationship or the healing that you need. Sometimes we have to wait and trust that there is a bigger plan and a reason we must wait.
Maybe just maybe God has something good for you at the end of your waiting. If your waiting for something please don’t get impatient like me and do things to fast or give up on the things you have already committed to when God may be working things out.

Just Wait for it!!!

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD
Psalms 31:24

May20

Tearing off my rear-view mirror

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Tearing off my rear-view mirror

As a writer I have to look back and use what has happened in my past to create the beautiful picture of Hope that God has given me to share…
Sometimes it’s with words on paper and often it’s with words with others face to face…
Where I struggle in this sharing of my life is the condemnation that often comes from the enemy and the shame of my mistakes.

The truth of my whole story is intertwined in the words that are written in Isaiah 43:18 “But forget all that–it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
That gives me Hope that no matter what was done to me, no matter what I have done, it will all work together for good and God will use it …

When I revisit my past or others revisit it in my presence to use as an example to another without giving the credit to how far I have really came it often takes time to recover.
That’s why God has given me my story to tell because no one else could really tell it and bring Hope. They can tell it and use it as a example but it will have no power.
That’s what happened when I came home Sunday.
So for days I try to recover from the attack of the enemy in my mind; I try to put together the truth and the lie he whispers in my ears.

My husband drives a car without a rear view mirror and at first I never asked why, but when I did he said “it gets in my way” not to long ago he was driving my car and he could not see something up ahead and I let him know that it was there and he said “that mirror gets in my way”. He said that’s why I took mine off.

The truth is we need mirrors to see our future, our past and our present but I suppose if they get in your way and you can’t see at all you have to remove them.

For me I need the mirror but there are people that I don’t need in my life who get in my way of moving into my future and I have to rip them from my life so that I can see it all without condemnation …

I have to put up boundaries and live my life and share Hope without condemnation coming from others…

I love my past, I love my present and I am looking forward to my future because I know God will work them all out for good…

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May8

Mother’s Day tribute to my Tv moms 💝

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Mother’s Day tribute to my Tv moms 💝

As we get closer to Mother’s Day for me it causes stress and sorrow … I am not alone in this … I decided to this year to give honor to where honor was due…

My mother was unable to do her job for many reasons and I have long forgiven her for never loving me and never attempting to be a mother. She is just unable to be a mom.
I truly have come to the place of acceptance in this.
I still reach out to her and she still rejects me and I am at peace with that because I understand her.
I will continue to send cards and they will continue to be ignored. ( no pity please it’s just my story)

I am thankful for her because she did not abort me and her rejection of me has given me compassion and empathy that others will never have. Our greatest pains are often our biggest platforms 💖 it also made me want to be a better mother and also caused me to overdo many things as I reflect back on my life. I pray she finds peace before she takes her last breathe. I did tell her face to face I forgave her in 1997.

So on to my tribute to my mothers…

I have hated this holiday for so many years… The commercials, the cards, the feeling and bonding that is foreign to me. This year I decided as others put mothers on their profile and you begin to honor them with pictures, as I read the honors going out, the grief of the loss of mothers who excelled in this area, I decided to honor the women who I learned from.

Just go with me a minute … If you grew up in my generation you will relate to these women. I spent hours in front of the tv and I looked at each one of these women, they were just actors playing a part but I learned from them.

I created in my mind the kind of mom I wanted to be from my tv role models …

Edith Bunker the dingbat who was patient and long suffering with her family and husband that has huge issues.
She was funny and kind and I think played on her innocence to keep the battles down .

Carol Brady was the ultimate stay at home mom, who dealt with being a step parent pretty well and showed us how to blend a family.

Marion Cunningham ran a tight ship and she was neat and clean, she dealt with crisis and kept a smile on, she was everyone’s mom and got to hang out with the Fonz!

Florence Evans taught me real life living as a low income mom trying to raise her children to rise above her and go to school and do better than her. She loved her neighbors and was a great inspiration to her family.

June Cleaver was the house wife and mother that seemed to just be the calmest, most loving and all around sweetheart. She was just perfect which was hard to live up to.

Lucy was creative, ambitious and tried anything once, she laughed and was happy no matter what one of her adventures took her. She was fun and funny.

Mary Tyler Moore was the nervous wife & mother.

Morticia Addams she kept up her household best she could with the trouble that her unique family got into and seriously what about that husband.

Caroline Ingalls was the mother who sacrificed for her family, was humble, she was not perfect but would work towards changing and she taught her children about Gods will and she would interact with others and was in love with her husband and children.

Olivia Walton she was faithful and caring and a woman who read her bible and had great faith. After her children were older decided to go back to school to learn and do something for herself.

I learned a little bit from each mother that I viewed on my tv.

I often learn from watching others and I understand why now. I did not have anyone teach me and so I watched and learned and tried to put it into action as a mom & wife..

No wonder I ended up staying confused 😁😁😁😁😁😁

That’s my Mother’s Day tribute to all my mothers ❤️

They taught me everything I know !!!
Oh goodness …

Could be worse I could have Peg Bundy or Lois from family guy as my role models…

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there ..

May4

Many times we give up before Hope arrives

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Many times we give up before Hope arrives

There are times in life where you don’t know what to say…
When your hurting and no one can help you..
You truly just want to be alone…
When you are misunderstood…
There comes a time that we crave change…
Often in order to truly live you have to change …
We get caught up in wanting to change someone else …
The truth is the only change we can make is within ourselves…
Don’t look at someone else and say you should .. You could… Look in the mirror and say I will change myself…
Sometimes changing yourself hurts others…
If you truly give up trying to change them it will change you…
Life is meant to be lived… Often we get stuck …
Sometimes when we are hurting we don’t truly see others who are reaching out a hand …
When things seem to be hopeless that’s when we truly need to find a lil hope…
Don’t lose hope..
Hope is the lil thing within your heart that says don’t give up…
Sometimes everything has to be lost to find Hope..
Many times we give up just before Hope arrives…
Hope is never wasted if we put our Hope in the right place … Hope in the things not seen …
Hope finds us in the darkest places just open your eyes and look for a Hope today..

“Thinking out Loud”
Doris Lynn Humplik

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Apr14

Jesus is our only Hope

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Did you know that God loves you just as you are?

He loves you regardless of what you have done…

He accepts your baggage…

It does not matter what mistakes you have made he forgives you…

If you were the only person alive on this earth, he would have died just for you…

He wants you to believe in him…

He wants to give you good things …

It’s not about what you have done but about who He truly is…

I know without a doubt that He is real…
He has revealed himself to me in ways that cannot be explained… He blesses me in ways that I know are only because of Him…

Oh How Jesus loves us … Oh how he forgives us… Oh how he wants to spend time with us…Oh how He wants to give is a Hope that comes from Him…
A Hope that our life can change…
A Hope that our sins, wrong choices, our heartbreaks will be wiped away from our heart and our memory…
A Hope that we have purpose and there’s a plan for our life.
A Hope that there is something after this life.
A Hope that nothing that has happened in our life will ever be wasted…
A Hope we will one day see our loved ones again…
A Hope that our father in Heaven is truly real…

My Hope is that you find the one true Hope…
His name is Jesus and he died on a cross for you and me…

God was going to punish us for our sins… Justice was coming down upon us for our hard hearts…
But Hope Stepped in and said Father Forgive them they know not what they do… Jesus our Hope … Gave his life save ours…

That’s Hope to me …

When I deserved Justice … I received mercy…

Don’t place your Hope in things or people who will let you down and hurt you … Place your Hope in the one who gave it all for you… He was blameless; yet he took the blame…

This week is the week to consider Christ….

What have you got to lose????

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. — John 3:16 (NIV).

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see Hebrews 11:1

Doris Humplik

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Apr4

Girl I ain’t judging you or maybe I am!!!!

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What does Judgement really mean?
Can I judge others?
How can I not Judge?
Judgement is to have a opinion of someone or something.
So why is having an opinion wrong and how do I not have one.
My other challenge is to not live a life of a hypocrite and be a real true Christ follower. I am not perfect and struggle just like everyone else with many things in my life but how on earth do I do this?
So I researched and asked God to show me the truth about judging others and what I should do to live this life he has given me. I don’t want to be a legalistic Pharisee nor do I want to be a carnal Christian.
Matthew 5:20 through 7:6, Jesus warns his disciples against following the traditions and practices of the Pharisees, who judged others as if they themselves were beyond judgment. What’s more, they judged people by the letter of the laws, not the spirit, of the law.
I am thinking that just maybe Jesus was saying , “Do not judge at all if you judge others the way the Pharisees do. If you do judge people this way, you will be judged with the same severity.” My thinking is Jesus gave a example with a visual in his words. (Matt. 7:3-5). We all have beams in our eyes, so to speak; to judge people for the little motes stuck in their eyes while we have big beams in our own is devilish arrogance as well as folly.
I feel he was saying or is saying to me, you have some sin and some things you need to work on, so when your looking at the sin they have you better move aside and know you have huge things you need to work on so don’t judge with the attitude that you are all together righteous. I do think that we can as believers place some judgement on each other to an extent.
Paul says to us in I Corinthians 5:12-13 “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”
He is saying judge sinful believers & leave people outside the church to God.
We should go to our brothers and sisters who have fallen into sin and try to reconcile them with the truth of the word of God. Why on earth would I not speak truth to someone I love that has fallen into a sin they can repent and move out of it.
I have had huge things in my own life that needed a sister in Christ to tell me “girl you are just wrong” sometimes we think that our issues are no big deal but they are.
Accountability to each other is needed to make it through this life. God is not calling us as Christians to be perfect but to attempt to remove issues from our lives that hold us back.
I myself as a Christian woman lived with my husband before marriage. I hated it and it held me down from being the Christian that I needed to be. I knew it was wrong, I struggled every single day, poor Paul was not in the same mindset and God had things to do in us during that time and I learned Gods Grace during that and his mercy. No excuses it was wrong of me as a Christ follower. We repented and married then I saw everything very clear for me. I was very close to God the whole time and I have peace in knowing He was still there when I sinned but…. The blessings could be so much more once we repented. We married and one week later Paul surrendered to baptism and we have walked without Guilt or condemnation.
When we lived together I never tried to preach to others or lead them because I knew I would be a hypocrite. I never wanted that so I talked about a God but never compelled them to get right and sin no more… Why because I knew they could see I would have been saying one thing and living another. A hypocrite… Ouch …
We all fall short and we will always miss the mark as imperfect humans but as Christians we have a higher responsibility to shoot towards getting rid of our sins…
Live our life right and know others are watching. Don’t say do as I say but live our lives as do as I do, as I run towards Jesus and try to be more like him.
Don’t judge those who are not Christians because they don’t know what we know, but we must lead our fellow Christians towards the truth and if they are sinning and if you have a relationship with them, then speak the truth in love and help them redirect their lives towards being free from the heavy weight of sin.
If we are going to compel others to come to Christ then we need to act more like him, get rid of our hypocritical lifestyle and then lead them.
If you are accepting the sins of others with mercy and holding them from judgement because you love them and don’t want to lose them, then you are placing them before Jesus. Please don’t do that either…
I have a long list of things that I am working on in my life personally and my hope is one day to be more like him!!!
If you have a friend who is a Christian and you are to then reach out and help them to see the sin with Grace and Mercy … Hold them accountable for the way they are living.
Don’t judge the world because God is the judge of them..
Love God…
Love others…
Love yourself …

Mar22

God’s real … God’s not Dead!!!

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Security in my life comes from my relationship with Christ…
When I lost it all a few years ago after the ending of life as I knew it…
My Hope and Faith grew stronger than ever … God was the only thing I had …
He never left my side during the hard times even though many people did…

I have been a Christian almost 21 years… My faith is real… God has shown me that he is real and I don’t need to see him… I have seen him daily for years…
Even when I had not accepted him as my savior he spoke to me and helped me… Even when I was a little girl and was abused, molested,rejected and hurt… God was there to comfort me…
Why did God allow an innocent child to be hurt? He didn’t… Sins and actions of those who hurt me were strictly “free will” God gives us all opportunity to choose him… The adults in my life were just bound by generational curses and chose to remain in the sins of the fathers and the mothers… I knew very young I would be different … I would fight and fight to not be what those around me had been…I would make mistakes and do things that I didn’t want to do… I would raise myself because the adults would not be trustworthy … I would do the best I could to not be like the adults around me…
Sexual abuse was something that surrounded me on both sides of my family… I would only feel protection by a God I could not see… He was there in my life as a child … Teen … Young adult… I just knew … I felt his presence…

My security was in Hope…
Hope that one day things would be different …
One day I would find peace and comfort…
One day I would heal…
One day the damages that childhood caused me would be used for good…
One day I could share my truths without fear…

My One day is coming very soon…

I am blessed beyond measure …
I am criticized by many…
I understand and accept the critical words…
I know that those who are critical just don’t know me…
I trust that all that has happened and all God allowed was for a greater purpose…
I am Thankful that though I have been tossed in the lions den many times I come out unharmed…
I have reaped in my life what I have sown and I have accepted it!!
I have seen the anger in the eyes of others towards me, I feel the jealousy, I suffer the rejection…
I understand …
I accept…
I know…
I trust…
I have …

I will Stand Alone for my Faith in God because Gods not Dead!!!

My story will be told and it’s very Messy…
My messy story is filled with Hope… The Hope that things will change for me…
Hope is not wasted if you put your Hope in the right place …
My Hope is in a unseen God…

He has answered all of my prayers… Just not the way I asked…
I thank him for the unanswered prayers…
If he would have given me what I asked for years ago then right now I would not be right where I am.

I wake up to a security in Jesus…
I am loved and do not wander…
I have great friends that I trust…
I am no longer walking in shame…
I have no guilt that lingers…

I grateful for my life…

Only God could have changed me and helped me…

He is real … If you need proof …
Look in the mirror he created you …

Buddha didn’t ….
Muhammad didn’t …
Allah didn’t …
Ganesha didn’t…
Confucius didn’t

There is only one creator of the heavens and the earth…
Only one who died and rose again …
Only one that will return …
His Name Is Jesus Christ …

He is real …
He is not dead…

Mar14

When kindness Showed up!

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I am studying “The Virtuous life of a Christ Centered Wife” by Darlene. Schacht.
I felt called to do this study being a newlywed and previously married, I felt I needed to begin a study to remind me of how to be the wife God has called me to be. I truly feel my ministry first is to my husband. We have no children in our home so we truly are a team.
I am very aware that we have a enemy who will do whatever he can to sneak into our lives and attempt to put a division in our marriage.
Realizing that everyday I must practice and exercise my virtues towards my husband in order to protect our union, I decided to get active in reminding myself how to be the wife God has called me to be.

Today’s lesson is so important to me because kindness is something I love to offer to others. Giving kindness often will change a person if it is offered with a sincere heart.
My husband when I met him was a very kind man, yet he had been through countless failed relationships and marriages just like me.
He had within him a giant heart that the first moment I looked in his eyes I saw. His life prior to our meeting was filled with a series of life long painful childhood issues, wrong choices, wrong relationships and situations that left him in a place of anger and bitterness.
His attitude towards the world as a whole was ….. Well I can’t really say but it was rather negative. The perception of many in his family was he was just a mean man, angry and basically a failure. That was the view they had because that is how he came off and the path his life had taken him. The truth of who he truly was was hidden underneath a heart that had been crushed from his childhood and continued until our very first date.
That’s when Kindness happened, that’s when kindness stepped in and brought the two of us together. Our gracious Heavenly Father stepped in and brought two broken people together and they shared that first gift to each other. The gift of kindness….
We had met just a week before at a skating rink reunion with a hundred of our childhood friends, all of us in our forties …We knew of one another but we had not seen each other since those skating days.
It was a divine meeting for us that night in August 2011.
The virtue of kindness happened our very first date and it has not stopped one day since. It’s a fairy tale relationship and now marriage, yet the reality of life is that we are in a broken world and we both came into this marriage with broken hearts, broken prior marriages, broken childhood homes and we have broken children. Kindness was our first gift to each other. Kindness is practiced everyday of our lives even when we don’t feel like it. Why? We both know the pain of failure, rejection along with regrets of our past.
I watched Kindness change my husband from a man who was bitter and angry at the world and watched him change his attitude, his life and see that not all women were like those he had known before me. Kindness changed him from habits that he had his whole life change.
I didn’t try change him kindness, compassion, love, mercy changed him.
I never once tried to make the changes in him or nag and say that’s a bad thing your doing or say you need to change I just loved him.
I did not do that in my marriages before I was trying to change them and it failed because we are not God, only through prayer can God change someone.

On my side when he met me I was on the heal of two divorces in 16 months. I was married almost 18 years and divorced then met someone and married and 11 months later I fled that marriage for my life.
So when Paul and I met I was a lil bird with two broken wings.
My life was so broken and I was trying so hard to heal but in life you can’t always find time to recover and you just keep going.
We met and our first date we spent hours just talking and telling our life stories and laughing, music was playing in the covered seating area outside a mall and we sat on a picnic table. It was just two friends sharing our lives. Kindness swooped in, so when I told Paul I had to move my things from a friends house to a storage and he offered to help me.
It was Kindness that I needed. at that moment. Simple little act but to me it meant the world. That began our great love-story and our life together sharing kindness to each other. In the last two and a half years that kindness changed this little broken birds wings and a angry man into a positive God loving man and husband.
Colossians 3:12 says to clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

My marriage is the first place I am to offer kindness.
When I said I do to Paul Stanley Humplik October 18, 2013 I told God that I would submit and commit to him and our marriage one hundred percent and he did the same. We communicate daily and we remember well from the marriages before how it felt to be treated unkind.

We must daily:
Be good
Speak wisdom & kindness
Forgive
Offer Grace
Give Mercy
Extend a hand
Help them
Bite our tongue
Put them first
Don’t nag
Be positive
Love them
Be kind always
Turn the other cheek
Have Empathy
Look at them in the eyes
Be proud
Respect him always

As I write this today I see places I need to work on…
In a failure of a marriage it truly is not all one sided.
It’s each of you giving 100 percent because…

When you get married don’t stop trying to win his heart because we cannot assume that something won’t try to sneak in and separate what God has joined together.